On My Way To Success...

One day I'd like to be able to send this comic to someone special...

2011-10-24T05:35:00.001-04:00

RIP Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T14:16:00.001-04:00

An idol and role model... you will be remembered.

It's Never Too Late...

2011-06-25T07:21:00.003-04:00

"For what its worth its never too late, to be whoever you wanna be. There's no time limit; start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same; There are no rules to this thing. You can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Benjamin Button
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - 2:23:08

Bridge Over Troubled Waters

2011-04-19T18:41:00.001-04:00

A great, supportive song...

When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all

I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you

I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Sail on Silver Girl,
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way

See how they shine
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind

JC

2011-03-13T19:31:00.004-04:00

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Napoleon Hill Poem

2010-10-17T15:50:00.003-04:00

I bargained with Life for a penny,
and Life would pay no more,
however I begged at evening
when I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
but once you have set the wages,
why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial's hire,
only to learn, dismayed,
that any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.

P90X - Day 3

2010-08-08T03:44:00.001-04:00

P90X - Day 2

2010-08-07T04:07:00.001-04:00

Sound quality sucks... I'll improve it next time I guess. Other then that... feeling good... and sore! :-)

P90X - Day 1

2010-08-06T03:23:00.001-04:00

To the Journey...

2010-08-04T03:37:00.009-04:00

Just read the valedictorian speech of a high school senior, in which the speaker puts down our education system as simply a means to train us to be human machines in a work force society has built to make life as safe as possible for the greatest number of people.

The speech puts forward, in an eloquent manner, a concept that I've believed for a long time. I've often said to those I'm trying to explain myself to that I "refuse to be an ant". I don't want to follow the same path that everyone else has and live a life where I labor from 9 to 5 on something I don't care about, doing work that almost anyone else could do, just so I can go home and prepare to do it again 5 days a week for the next several decades of my life. Happiness for me cannot just be the times and activities that surround the work day; ones which I can only afford and participate in because I make enough money through doing these monotonous jobs. Further, no increase in the cost of these types of activities can truly excite me or make me happy (as I've learned when I used to spend large amounts of money on silly things). Even if I'm working a job that I enjoy, I would still be bound to the restrictions of the company I worked for... doing only the things they approve of and only when they deem it okay. This goes for everything from making work related decisions to taking vacations.

Interestingly enough, though I've believed the above for a long time, my life's focus was still on doing work, albeit on my own ventures, in an attempt make a lot of money so I could be more free to do what I wanted when I wanted it. Now that's not a bad thing, but at the same time it really is just another incarnation of working at another company from 9 to 5 so that I can afford to enjoy my time off. This version however would increase my off hours to considerably more as I wouldn't need to work as much to make a lot of money (after starting a successful company and/or selling it). If I continued with this focus, I'd end up in the exact same spot I'd been in, in the past (bored and unhappy) but with more money...

Upon coming to this conclusion, I believe I've finally found the real meaning and reasoning behind something that I've heard many times before, but had never truly taken to heart:

"It is not the destination, but the journey."

Rather than focusing on an end goal that would supposedly make me happy beyond my wildest dreams, perhaps the better way is to make sure to maximize the enjoyment of my journey through life as much as I can. Sure there are bound to be unhappy times ahead but if I spend my time enjoying the path as much as possible I believe that at the end, even if I didn't make millions of dollars or I never became a household name as a great businessman, I will still be able to look back and think about how much fun I had doing the things I did (both for work and play) with the people I respected and cared about and how happy I was doing it. Sounds like success to me.

It's time to stop spending today dreaming of a better tomorrow and instead focus on enjoying today for everything that it is. This doesn't mean that I won't set goals and work to achieve them but more that I will make sure to take as much pleasure as possible from the work I'm doing on the path towards these goals. It's called living in (or being) present and its all I've really got for sure.

I leave you with this quote... one I've always been fond of and can now put even more value in:

"Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we've lived. After all, we're only mortal."

- Captain Jean-luc Picard (Star Trek Generations)

Today is...

2010-07-19T06:42:00.004-04:00

It's 6:43 AM on a Monday morning and I'm 26 years old. Standing over the bathroom sink and looking at myself in the mirror, I realized something...

Today is the first time, in a very long time, that I'm happy with what I see and who I am.

:-)

Man in the Arena...

2010-07-19T06:14:00.004-04:00

I read this quote a few years back in a blog post by Michael Arrington but only recently thought of it again. It gives me inspiration and reminds me every day that even my attempts themselves, though many times futile, are always worthwhile.

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

- Theodore Roosevelt

Life Trending Up?

2010-07-18T03:55:00.006-04:00

While reading Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose' by Tony Hsieh (CEO of Zappos, which was sold to Amazon.com recently) with Kindle on my Droid (which by the way is the best thing in the world... thought I'd never want to read on my phone but its amazing), I realized something.

In the beginning of the book, Tony goes through his childhood and the different entrepreneurial ventures he attempts, from worm farming, to button making, to Christmas card selling. He also tells about his involvement in activities that were out of the norm. I'm sure there will be more great stories ahead (haven't finished the book yet), but even this short list got me thinking about my childhood.

When I read books like this, I often compare myself to the author in an attempt to figure out whether I have the same mentality (which hopefully therefore puts me also on the path to success). This time was no different, except while searching my past for comparable things, I remembered some things I had forgotten.

Even when I was young, I had entrepreneural ambitions. I've always easily recalled the times of having a battle at the lunch table with my friend Jon Corbett over who was going to be more successful in life and the starting of Delphin Solutions and eventually DS410 LLC in college, but I had forgotten about the various things I had done between those memories.

Though I don't remember the age I was at the times, here are some examples of activities I particitated in:

- Walked around my apartment complex to sell gifts out of a catalog
- Made peanut butter balls from a kids cookbook recipe and sold them door to door
- Built my church's website
- Started the trend in middle school with Jon of doing the announcements in the morning over the PA system (Later, everyone wanted a chance to do this so we had to train others)
- Got to skip a full day of school to learn about the lighting board in the theater and be one of the very few people allowed to run it (for performances, etc)

This trend continued into high school, where I tried to start a web design company with classmates (Delphin Solutions) and then into college where I merged with Jon's company to create DS410 and hired my classmates as interns at my company.

I'm sure there have been plenty of other entrepreneural memories that I can't remember but that's all I've got for now.

It's comforting to know that I'm doing the types of things that other people who have been successful did and, though it doesn't guarentee success for me, it does make me feel good as my struggle continues to build new things and reach new heights. It reminds me of Steve Job's speech at Stanford about connecting the dots looking backwards in your life to see how you got to where you are (One of my favorites...See Here).

"So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever because believing that the dots will connect down the road with give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference."

- Steve Jobs, Founder of Apple

Hopefully this trend continues as I push forward to success. I'll keep you posted. :-)

The other one...Michael Bolton Once in a lifetime ((New Moon)) lyrics.avi

2010-07-09T02:09:00.000-04:00

Brings back old times... Vanessa Williams - The Sweetest Days

2010-07-09T02:06:00.000-04:00

Apple (and Steve Jobs) get you EVERY TIME!

2010-04-28T07:38:00.003-04:00

Just a quick note on something that is blatantly obvious to me. Every time some new device comes out from Apple, its always a crappy version compared to the version that comes out shortly (within a year or so) after. In some ways, this is to be expected because new technology comes out and the costs of technology go down. But in Apple's case, they seemingly put out dumbed down versions of the device everyone actually wants first and because they're Apple and the devices are so new and sleek looking, everyone wants one. It doesn't help that Apple fan-boys must have every new product the day (or even the day before) it comes out, that they're already willing to pay a premium price for Apple products as they have in the past, and that they seem to think that if they don't get one ASAP, they'll be shunned from society and lose points from their "hipness" factor. These people don't take into account that the technology in the product may be years behind competitors or that a better version is on the horizon if you can wait long enough.

Let me give you some examples:

iPhone - Yes, the iPhone was and still is a really cool piece of technology. When it came out in its original version though , it was only 2G however. This, when most other phones were already 3G! I honestly think they could have made a 3G version right from the get go, but instead they decided not to because they new that the cult would buy it again when the 3G version came out... and some even again when the 3GS came out.

iPad - The iPad is also a really cool product but also makes my point much more clear. The initial version that came out only includes WiFi. Everyone of course had to have it because the cult members (and wanna be cult members) have to have every cool new device. Only thing is that another version, the 3G connected one, was already known to have been slotted for a few months later. I can't believe there was any reason Apple couldn't have come out with the 3G and WiFi version at the same time... It's one extra chip, and they already have experience putting it into smaller versions of their devices. Instead, Apple seemed to double down on its clueless customer following. They knew people who got the WiFi version would love it and want to use it even more (especially for the price tag they paid for it). They also knew that people would realize that it was a much more limited experience without being connected to the internet all the time, thus creating the impetus to need the 3G version even though they just shelled out for the WiFi version full well knowing that the 3G was coming out. Almost everyone I've heard who bought a WiFi version says they're going to go out and buy the 3G version... doubling the profits of Apple.

So, to sum it up... it seems to be part of Apple's business strategy to use the hysteria behind their name to put out crappy versions of new products to coerce people to buy more than one. I'm not saying its a bad business strategy... in fact I think its amazing. But every time they do it, I can't believe how many people fall for it. Fortunately for Apple, I don't see that changing any time soon.

Priorities... No more maintaining!

2010-02-18T10:39:00.005-05:00

There's a great post over at Location180 about setting priorities and making sure those priorities don't go into maintenance mode, causing you to feel like there's things you should be doing that you aren't and ultimately making you feel overwhelmed. Well guess what... that's how I feel!

Here I am in London, wanting to have a good time and enjoy myself, while at the same time feeling bad for not getting things done. The real problem here is that I know I'll only be here a short time longer and therefore I'm trying to do everything I'd like to do (I guess that's the difference between being on vacation somewhere and living somewhere... you don't feel pressured to try to squeeze everything in). The fact that I'm going to Belgium and Germany in the next few days and then to Miami shortly after aren't going to make things any easier.

So, as suggested by Sean, I'm going to decide on my top 3 priorities right now so I know where I stand and can better gauge what I should/will be working on.

Priority 1: Becoming Financially Secure...Again
So since I've stopped working full-time, I've obviously took a pay cut. I have accordingly (other than this trip to Europe) cut my expenses as well. Gone are the random nights (ok, actually not that random considering it happened fairly often) of multiple bottles at the club, calling Paul (limo driver) to come pick us up, and random spending of money. You know what... that's more than okay with me! I was getting kinda bored with it. Now I pay much more attention to what I spend on food, drinks, etc. I feel like its actually a good thing and something I should have had to learn a long time ago but didn't because of the large amounts of money that I spent. I now need to generate enough income every month to pay my bills and live so this is the first priority on my list. Any project that pays me immediate money becomes a #1 priority. There it is cut and dried.

Priority 2: Beautiful Body
If you know me at all, you'll know that I've wanted to have a better body for a long time. You'll also know that I've been fairly bad about working towards it. I used to blame the fact that I worked every day for 8 hours as the reason for it but now I know that was just BS. I am therefore burning into my head (and also writing it down) that getting into shape is my second priority. That doesn't mean I'm going to spend 4 hours in the gym every day or run 20 miles every week. It does, however, mean that I will be attending the gym or doing something physical for at least 1.5 hours a day, 6 days a week. This can be running, blading, playing soccer, going to the gym, etc. It also means that I will be looking for healthy (and still inexpensive) alternatives to the crappy foods that I normally eat. I'm not doing this as a vanity thing (ok, maybe not just a vanity thing anyway). I'm doing it because I'm tired of feeling bad about myself, being uncomfortable about my body (even though I'm really not in that bad shape), and generally missing out of the self-confidence I know I'd have if I was in better shape. Plus summer is coming soon so there's that :-p . So there it is, if I'm not doing something that is making me money immediately, the next thing I'm probably doing is something physical.

Priority 3: Recurring Income Projects (aka business ideas)
Again, the people who know me won't see this as a surprise. I am always working with people on new ideas. Problem is, we get started and then it fizzles out or gets pushed to the back burner. While that may sometimes be a good thing (bad projects get killed), in general, if I commit to something I'd like to know I have the integrity and drive to see it through... Maybe not to the very end, but at least until I can make an informed decision as to whether the project is worth continuing. Currently I have many such projects on my plate... multiple iphone/android/blackberry apps, club connX, GoalDiggr, DreamDigga. I think all these ideas are worth pursuing and need to be putting more time into them so I can decide whether they are worth continuing before I decide to take on more projects. Additionally, any of these could blow up and make money down the road. Therefore, my priority #3 is to get these projects up and running as quickly as possible. The sooner they're done, the sooner there's feedback, the sooner I know whether they're worth something or that I should move on.

So there they are....
1. Becoming Financially Secure...Again (making immediate money)
2. Better Body (getting into shape and being healthier)
3. Recurring Income Project (Sorting/following through on business ideas)

Plan is to judge everything I choose to do against these three priorities and anything that doesn't fall into one of them will be considered "Just for Amusement". And there's always time for amusement... as long as the work get's done.

I'm Free... and in London!

2010-02-15T08:17:00.002-05:00

Well, it’s happened. As of about a month ago, I stopped working full time. I’m not going to go into the details of how right this second but I will say that I’m happy about it. I wanted to do a celebratory post about it on the blog, but decided that it would be more prudent of me to hold off on it as my mother reads my blog and I wasn’t ready to tell her just yet.
Things have very much changed already. I’m actually sitting here in London, writing this post. I decided to travel a bit, especially when I found out that my mom, Kathy, and my sister would be traveling to London for a week. I decided to spend the week with them and then go on to Belgium and Germany to visit friends for about a half week longer after they leave. When I get back, I have about a week and a half in NYC after which I’ll be driving down to Miami and staying there for an undetermined period of time. At a minimum, I’ll be down there for Winter Party and Winter Music Conference, with a visit home in between. That takes care of most of the month of March. Plans for the month of April aren’t completely locked down yet. I may be spending the month around the Mediterranean somewhere with Jon and def end up back in London for a weekend to celebrate one of my friend’s birthday. Quite an exciting next couple of months!
One question you may be asking how I am financing all this, while also paying my rather high rent in NYC and my bills. The answer is a whole bunch of things. I like to break them down by how quickly they’ll give me a money return. On the immediate/short term side, I collect money from my company DS410 by continuing to service the clients that I’ve had. I also continue to try to cultivate new ones, not because I enjoy the IT work but mostly because it provides steady recurring monthly income. I will be working on a helpful blog targeted at helping small businesses with their IT, which can be found at http://www.computernetworkingnewyork.com. Additionally, I also do web and mobile (IPhone, Android, Blackberry) application development. These aren’t as steady but still pay pretty well. In the mid-term side, I work on projects that will not only make money now but also have the potential of making money in the future. I won’t go into details about these projects now but one involves mobile contact management for clubs , another involves building a new form of lead generation service for plastic surgeons, and a third involves a “build your dream” community site that does interviews of people in the entertainment industry focusing on how they made it to where they are. On the long term side, I have my newer company “Goal Diggr”, which still has a lot of work left to do on it. As I work on the different things, I attempt to write a bit about them here.
So far, the experience of being free is very nice. I haven’t been as worried as I thought I would about money (though that may change while I’m here in London considering the horrible exchange rate). Anyway, got to go out to see the sites.

2010: The Year of Freedom

2010-01-04T11:52:00.006-05:00

I've already decided that this year (2010) will be the year of my freedom. In order to do that though, I need to define what freedom means to me and what are measurable metrics to achieve it so here goes...

Freedom Definitions:
- Location Freedom -- The ability to work from anywhere and not be tied to one location

- Financial Freedom -- Earning enough money to easily pay my bills and be able to put a good chunk aside to begin paying back my debt

- Time Freedom -- Being able to work whenever I want and not have to be in the office from 9am sharp to 5pm everyday

- IT Freedom -- At least partially getting out of the IT industry, which I dislike being a part of

Freedom Metrics:
- Location Freedom -- Being able to work from anywhere as long as there is an internet connection. This means not having an office that I have to regularly visit. Having to visit an office once a month would be fine if I am still doing a full time job or client visits are also fine a couple times a month but I should not have to be at a physical location more than 3 times a month at most.

- Financial Freedom -- Earning at least $150k pretax if I'm working full-time or $80k pretax if I'm working for myself only.

- Time Freedom -- The ability to set my own hours and work when I want. Specifically, no starting work at 9am and ending at 5pm. I want the to be able to work when I'm most productive instead of when someone else thinks I should. I want to set my own schedule.

- IT Freedom -- Spending no more than 10% of my time on IT related jobs (system engineering, break/fix issues, etc). More specifically, having my "full-time pursuit" something not IT related. Having my own IT company on the side is permissible as long as I don't spend more than 10% of my time working on it.

Worst-Case Freedom Scenario:
I have quit my full-time job at Mi**S**** (I hate that I can't mention them for fear of being fired). I am work remotely for a full time position that expects me to meet with them physically once a month. They pay me $60k at least and don't care when I work as long as I meet deadlines. This position may be IT related I guess. I have moved somewhere that isn't more than $1500/month for me. I pay out at least $1000 towards my debt while still living comfortably. I am still working on my own company in the background.

Best-Case Freedom Scenario:
I have quit my full-time job at Mi**S****. I work full-time for my own company, which is cash flow positive and earning me $200k/year. I am able to work from anywhere. I'm at about the half-way mark paying off my debt. I have given up my IT company. I am not bound to the 9 to 5 hours of most.

The worst-case scenario doesn't seem that far out of reach.

And when I do accomplish get there, I'll shout for all to hear the great words of Martin Luther King (though he meant it in a different context):

"Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty I'm free at last!"

Moments, because sometimes we...I... forget.

2009-08-29T20:48:00.001-04:00

The Giving Tree

2009-06-13T23:42:00.001-04:00

The Giving Tree (Audio Book) by Shel Silverstein

Once there was a tree...and she loved a little boy.
And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree ... very much.
And the tree was happy.

Front cover
But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time ...and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?"
“I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered, "come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat." said the tree. "Then you can sail away ... and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy ... but not really.
Rear cover

And after a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you, my apples are gone."

"My teeth are too weak for apples", said the boy.
"My branches are gone", said the tree. "You cannot swing on them -"
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb -"
"I am too tired to climb," said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree. I wish that I could give you something...but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy,
"Just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could,
"Well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.

And the tree was happy.

The Five Laws of Stratospheric Success

2009-04-24T14:39:00.003-04:00

For future reference for you and for me, the following are the 5 Laws of Stratospheric Success from the book, The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. I believe the laws themselves are quite powerful but it the understanding of them gotten from the book that really brings out the results, so go get the book!

The Law of Value:
Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.

The Law of Compensation:
Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

The Law of Influence:
Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interests first.

The Law of Authenticity:
The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

The Law of Receptivity:
The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

Who's there...

2009-04-13T16:04:00.004-04:00

Its normally very easy for people to identify and help correct problems in other's lives... to be there when they ask for help. Its not so often that we're able to see our own problems. Now, I'm not gonna say that I can see all mine but I certainly feel like I've had a major revelation about them... and its really REALLY not looking good...

To be completely honest, I see now what I'm doing and know why I'm doing it and I just can't stop...

I hide... whether its by partying, or saying I have too much work (I do have a lot of work), or sleeping, or watching tv... or try to fix other people's issues and problems... I'm hiding.... hiding from what I feel I'm supposed to be doing... what I'm supposed to become... hiding from fixing myself...and I can't stop it. ... I am horribly horribly broken...

Everyday I wake up and say I want to make a difference... I want to do something amazing today... every day... and then something happens or I put it off or and I just don't do it... and then I say tomorrow...

The thing is, its always tomorrow... I'm NOT lazy... I want so much to do things, to be someone... but every day goes by and I've done nothing meaningful... and thats just the half of it...

At night I beat myself up... I get upset at myself for not doing anything... horribly beat myself up... there's only so many times you can say next time until you stop believing it yourself... I think I'm there. The thing is, I can't give up... so it turns into an endless cycle of trying to do something, not doing things, and then beating myself up for it. I honestly don't know how much longer I can take it...

And the thing is, I honestly don't think you could tell all this was going on if you knew me... but I know... I'm tired... tired of trying and failing, tired of not trying and beating myself up... tired of pushing people away because I have to "work"... On the outside I seem happy and fun and caring and successful... but on the inside I'm dying... really dying... and I don't know what to do. I can hide from everything... but I can't hide from myself, from the thoughts of how much of a failure I am... and how much more of one I'm becoming. I don't know how to fix this... I think it may be too late... but there's no reset button on life... there's just the end... and I can feel it coming... I may even hope its coming. And the worst part of it all is... in 10 minutes my disguise will come back and everything will of a sudden "be ok". Back into hiding... Well at least I've gotten it out... somewhere.

I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
But I’m not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
I’m left with no shoulder
But everyone wants to lean on me.
I guess I’m their soldier.
Well, who’s gonna be mine

Who’s there to save the hero
When he’s left all alone
And he’s crying out for help.
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the boy…
After he saves the world
After he saves the world.

I bottle all my hurt inside,
I guess I’m living a lie.
Inside my mind each day I die
What can bring me back to life?
A simple word, a gesture
Someone to say you’re beautiful
Come find this buried treasure
Rainbows lead to a pot of gold.

Who’s there to save the hero
When he’s left all alone
And he’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the boy
After he saves the world…
After he saves the world.

I’ve given too much of myself
And now it’s driving me crazy
(I’m crying out for help?
Sometimes I wish someone would
Just come here and save me…
Save me from myself

Who’s there to save the hero
When he’s left all alone
And he’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the boy
After he saves the world…
After he saves the world.

The Absolute Truth...

2009-03-19T23:39:00.004-04:00

This post is directed at someone... that person will probably never see it because we're not speaking right now and I don't think he knows about this blog. I just wanted to capture and make public how I feel about him.

This is to him...

On the most recent episode of House MD, there was a patient who could only tell the truth due to a condition. I wish I had that condition and that you were around because if I did, I'd tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you and how much of a mistake it was to do what I did and how I'm scared that I'll never ever find someone like you who treated me so well again, ever... and how amazed I am of you and what you've accomplished and where you're going... and how much I want you back even though you've moved on... and you'd have to believe me because I wouldn't be able to lie and you'd know for sure just how much I love you.

Remembering Miami...

2009-03-18T12:22:00.006-04:00

So... This blog entry is mostly for me... not so much for readers (unless you were there with me)... I aim to capture as much as I can from the trip and afterwards so that I can come back and remember it. Some things may seem cryptic to readers, mostly because I want to remember them but don't want you to know the specific details...

Went to Miami beach from Feb 26th through March 15th... was there with Brandon Propst (the Gay Dragon)... daily schedule was wake up, beach, drink, beach, bar, eat a bit, drag show or other activity, home to change for going out, bar/club til 4am or later, home to pass out... start again.

This schedule started after the winter party and ended the day before I left. The Winter Party itself was a lot of fun... saw Chris Ryan and group, Dane (my ex-roommate), and soccer buddies. Met some new people Shane and Kevin.... Present from Dragon on Table... TOO MUCH!... Had fun watching the fire spinners at discotekka, at pool party, at HOT Park West with Brian and dancing under the sun next to Ajuna's replacement to Gravity and Halo remixes.

After Winter Party was over, it got a bit quieter (minus the daily morning wake up calls). Showtunes duets! Came out to Tickle Lady for dragon, extra money for him. Brandon and I established ourselves as semi-perminent residents at Palace bar and started hanging with Enrique and Nelson (bartenders there). SHOTS (spin the fingers)! We moved up from cups of alcohol to pitchers of alcohol (with lots of straws and cherries in them), and shots in between. Canadian avoidence. Drunken laptop shopping!

Omer came into town to stay with us... hawse hawse hawse... he was on the hunt from the very beginning... and though initially he wasn't satsified with the crowd, he managed to find some people to entertain him. Our trips to Palace continued after beach vists... we also met up with Danny (from NYC who had moved down there) and went to Buck 15 on thurs (where we started cut the line using $20)... Canadian fortune telling and me on the couch... and Living Room in Ft. Lauderdale on the next day... bad experience driving back but made it... Jon came into town... and joined us at Discotekka, where we got bottle service in our own VIP section (away from the other VIPers and down near the dance floor)... they had run out of VIP space and we made them create our own. Had an amazing time... it was the Britney Spears after-party. We loved the music, minus the fog horn blasts. THIS... IS.... MIAMI!!!!! Thank you Dragon for saving the night and me from HSBC. :-)

The week started again on Sunday and we resumed our normal routine. Omer and Jon gone. Met on the beach with Charlie, Mike, Anthony (kitty litter) and Tits and spent the rest of the time mostly with them. Dave and his boy Kurt showed up mid-week and we had fun with them too... showed him what Rush could be like HOT ASS CONTEST WON BY DRAGON.... Chicken fights...brandon horizontal, the haha game... football distance and left handed... Palace and personal bathroom in surf shop.... REALLY GUYS?, REALLY? ... Anthony with bartender at Twist. Tits last night at Score and me ANGRY...Discussion with Dragon about past... Diego met on the beach... Outback... paraho, parabaho, encentro, inventro, Too loud and business card on door... Twist... Magic tricks (beer, then bottle) VIP at Twist... $100 for random Halo on tab close... diego fiasco... Dragon unhappy and trashed.

Normal schedule... Tits gone, Cynthia arrives... Kumar found on beach, Enzo on beach, Ultimate frisbee turns into two-hand touch. Our own drag show from Nelson... FIREWORKS!!!... Robbie and Joe arrive... no buck 15 for them, met southern boy... VIP entry and bottle service for us (Grey Goose and Kettle)! Upside down dancing from the ceiling... Dragon on Cynthia and her on Dragon... Upside down slip, fall, handstand, so HA.... LOSE Kumar, WHOHOO! Twist, $125 tip for future Halo play to Karlos.

Friday, beach, plunger, Robbie and Joe... hookah, Doctors from England...Palace... Uppo, Downo, Outo, inno! ...drag show with Marilyn Manson with Nipples, Danny late... My Prediction... Danny rolling drop off... HIT AND RUN... MAJOR FIGHT WITH THE DRAGON, can't talk or move, Dragon almost Zacked!Score... little by little, Dragon on the side, twist, almost Halo, Dragon upset and trashed, Charlie brings him home. Concerned and sprint down washington and ocean, Dragon OK.

Saturday, No alcohol... Jet skiing with Robbie and (thank you Dragon!) ball breaking and ass pounding, 5 feet vertical, nice houses on island, statue, kids birthday party, switch postions... bad sandwiches... beach, limo and club arrangments, drag show at Palace, American Apparel and tickle request by me... Home, quick change, uppo downno outto inno drunko limo clubo gonoooooo :)... uppo downno outto inno ditto brando :)... back at palace, everyone late... Danny non-existant... Limo pickup (excursion)... PARTY!!! Loop around club... Arrive at Discotekka, MAJOR PROBLEMS, paid off everyone to finally get it right... but can't let stress go... can't let stress go, no roll, nelson and bf pick up by limo... limo flat, robbie and joe home in stretch towncar, Hummer Limo arrives, got til 6.... "take care of the dragon for me"... dragon danceing, party til 5... drop off everyone... just dragon and me.

Beach with drink, talking, poems in arms (If, Success, starfish-"It made a difference for that one.")... Halo, Ave Maria, sunrise, home to sleep. Robbie and Joe gone... Dragon and I on beach, no drinks just talk... tell me something interesting... Chick flicks...The Notebook... "I think this will happen again"... rush to pack, find a taxi with Brit....goodbye :-( ... plane with space shuttle launch, turbulence.

Next night, wakeup, last Miami Halo (whole song)... Thank you Dragon... miss you and Miami...

I have never had an experience like this one in Miami, shared payment and closeness. Blown away by it and the understanding of why by both... glimmers, "This is to have succeeded"... I appreciate that time I've had with the Dragon and hope/believe we'll have it again some time in the future. Will be happy to see the Dragon next Sunday/Monday.

I have left parts of this out and as they come to me, I will add them in another color.

If you're friends with me on FB, Check out my pictures and vids from my profile during the trip dates. Wish I could post them all here but there are too many... may be able to do it later.

The Winner Stands Alone

2009-02-06T12:35:00.005-05:00

Just read a great and inspiring quote from Paulo Coelho's new book, "The Winner Stands Alone". Check out the full book which he is posting chapter by chapter in his blog at http://paulocoelhoblog.com/

‘Do you know anything about frogs?’

‘Frogs?’

‘Yes, various biological studies have shown that if a frog is placed in a container along with water from its own pond, it will remain there, utterly still, while the water is slowly heated up. The frog doesn’t react to the gradual increase in temperature, to the changes in its environment, and when the water reaches boiling point, the frog dies, fat and happy.

‘On the other hand, if a frog is thrown into a container full of already boiling water, it will jump straight out again, scalded, but alive!’

Olivia doesn’t quite see what this has to do with the destruction of the world. Igor goes on:

‘I was like that boiled frog. I didn’t notice the changes. I thought everything was fine, that the bad things would just go away, that it was just a matter of time. I was ready to die because I lost the most important thing in my life but, instead of reacting, I sat there bobbing apathetically about in water that was getting hotter by the minute.’
Olivia plucks up the courage to ask:

‘What did you lose?’

‘The truth is I didn’t lose anything. Life sometimes separates people so that they can realise how much they mean to each other. For example, last night, I saw my wife with another man. I know she wants to come back to me, that she still loves me, but she’s not brave enough to take the first step. Some boiled frogs still think it’s obedience that counts, not ability: those who can, lead, and those with any sense, obey. So where’s the truth in all this? It’s better to emerge from a situation slightly scalded, but alive and ready to act.'

WoW, Google Latitude, and Life

2009-02-06T06:44:00.006-05:00

My WoW character Shlaric (level 18 Night Elf Druid)

Video Blog Notes:

World of Warcraft
- Highly addictive
- So many places to visit
- So many things to do
- level
- quests (of different types)
- dungeons
- PvP
- Expansions
- Achievements
- Talents
- Professions
- And then you get to do it all over again but completely differently!

Latitude
- Now on Google Latitude --> buddyboy2006@gmail.com

Life
- Working a lot... must get out of IT... can't stand dealing with peoples problems all day
- Update on drinking ban date
- Been going to the gym... not as much as I'd like but still losing fat
- Run 3K per day and swim
- FundMii work --> Http://www.fundmii.com
- Put Impaytient on hold

Interesting Idea
- Utility that creates easy table of context and index of Video

2009-01-24T19:00:00.001-05:00

Trying Ping.fm for the first time... we'll see if I end up keeping it!

Resolution: 1 Month Ban on Drinking

2009-01-18T17:46:00.004-05:00

Just a quick post...I have come to the realization that drinking causes many of my problems and results in me being generally unhappy. In an effort to complete FundMii and get it launched as well as to be generally happier, I have decided the following:

I will not drink from this point until February 27th, 2009 (the day I go on vacation to Miami).

I expect that this decision will cause me to be more productive, allow me to save money, and be a generally happier person.

That is all!

Video Post #3

2009-01-12T08:23:00.001-05:00

Video blog #3

Topic:
- Find video much easier than typing.. can get it done much faster but...
- unindexable or unreliably indexed
- have to watch the whole video to find out what I say and can't easily skim
- Problem with ideas like seesmic --> have to do things in someone elses time
- Monitization problems for companies and sites like youtube--> can't target ads well
- example of bad placement
- Tagging is current method but is no good (some companies do manual tagging)
- Used to think that solution was audio indexing with speech to text technology but not so much anymore
- What's really needed is Object recognition and intention recognition so we know what things are, what the point of the video is, and what the tone of the actions in the video are in relation to each object --> long time coming
- even when the semantic web comes about, video will still be a problem
- person who cracks video has a lot of opportunity or at least a good job waiting for them at sites like youtube
- Will post notes from now on

Personal Update:
- Weekend--> lost one debit card, broke another, can't touch my business acct because thats where the rent is coming from --> interesting situation
- Haven't slept cause I couldn't fall asleep
- Feel like I'm getting a lot done
- joe's coming tomorrow at 7AM and I have off tues thru thurs though I might have to do a small amount of work on wed
- Fought with joe... don't feel good about him... been having nightmares about making the wrong decision but need to get over that
- Began work on fundmii... will have template mostly done before I got to work today
- started keeping a list of blog topics (video wasn't on the list but became the topic when I started writing these notes)

Video Blog #2

2009-01-09T08:26:00.001-05:00

Comics (from xkcd.com)

2009-01-02T04:31:00.005-05:00

(Click the image to get the full view)

HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW:

And some other funny ones...

My First Video Post

2008-12-23T01:48:00.006-05:00

First YouTube Video

2008-11-30T06:59:00.005-05:00

Ok... so I'm dead tired and I just finished playing Monopoly against Ajuna, Amanda, and Josh, but I wanted to get this out there before I forget. This evening (sat night), I spent several hours with Jonathan Ledee (one of my friends and the main character of the video) and Ajuna putting together this this video. We did muliple takes from various angles and then edited it together with Adobe Premier and since I had never really used that software before, it may have taken a little longer than it should have. Still, I'm very proud of the finished product! It's posted to Facebook and YouTube. There are plenty of outtakes (which aren't posted) and we had a really good time doing it...
And that's the thing... I, myself, had a REALLY good time doing it... its wierd and a little tedious at times during the editing but I never felt bored by the process... I had fun the whole time! It makes me think about that saying, "If you like what you do, you'll never work a day in your life". Well I can't remember the last time I had so much fun while also doing something that I thought was creative and cool. We're hoping it gets a whole bunch of views (we're shooting for millions but who knows ;-) ) but even if it doesn't, I enjoyed the process of making it so much that it doesn't even matter.
I honestly don't know what this means on the larger scale for me... Is this the way you're job is supposed to feel about the things you do for work and in life? I know I hate IT and want to get out of it as soon as possible... I want to feel like I did today every time I go to work. At least I now know what its like.
On a side note, I know I wasn't actually in this video so I am not as out there as I'd like to be (referring to the last post) but at the same time, it certainly was a step in the right direction... and I'll be in some of the future videos we plan to do. Anyway, YouTube view count currently stands at 15 so we'll see where it is when I wake up.

Getting it all out there and taking the first step!

2008-11-27T01:40:00.003-05:00

I don't know how to do this. Let me just start by saying that... I want to know... I know I need to know, but I don't... so I'm just going to try and THIS post will be the first step. By "this", I mean being straight forward and myself and out in the open without worrying about what others think, about the potential relationships I may ruin, about the fact that if I don't wait and save my "best" idea for the investors and connections I have, it will be a wasted opportunity and I'll never be able to go back to them again with another one because they won't look at me the same.... Basically, I need to rid myself of my fear of failure and open myself up to being creative, different, and a little against the grain. A combinations of things that I've been reading/listening to have brought me to this conclusion, but it is not one that I haven't come to before. I AM CAPABLE OF ANYTHING but more importantly, I AM THE ONLY PERSON HOLDING MYSELF BACK. Not only is it a fear of failure but it is also a fear of losing everything I have so far. I have often said... and many of my close friends will agree with me... that I need stability, that I strive for it. According to Seth Godin's recent book "Tribes", that exactly what society has trained me to want and its exactly what's holding me back.

I think about myself and compare myself to my best friend Jon and I always get caught up with how creative he is and how doesn't just settle for what he knows he can get... he pushes the envelope and asks for more. A perfect example of this is when it comes to getting paid... whereas, I might want $100/hr, if a job came along that offered me $85/hr, I'd probably just take it... I wouldn't even try to negotiate them up for fear of losing the job. Jon, in the same situation, would tell the recruiter to go fuck themselves unless they can do $100/hr. I've looked at this and other such situations in the past and said its stupid of him to do that and that doing things like that is taking unnecessary risks and yet more often than not he get what he asks for and I'm left wishing that I had done things the same way. That's not to say that everything that he has tried has worked... he doesn't get the first job that comes and he has failed in some of his projects (such as when he wanted the AMEX Platinum card, got it by using Paypal to make it look like he was increasing his spending each month until they gave it to him, and then lost it and all his other AMEX cards when they figured out what he had done). At the same time, the vast majority of things that he tries for succeed and if you don't try, you never succeed. In the past, I've always started a project and then got side-tracked by a different project or some other event in my life, which I would then blame for the reason why the original project wouldn't succeed. Additionally, I'll procrastinate and put off doing some aspect of a project In actuality, what I'm doing is the same thing I did through all of college... I was afraid of failure so I didn't try. When I failed, I was then able to say that it had been my choice because I hadn't given it my all. If you know me at all, you know that I like technology and new ideas, follow web 2.0 and social media news avidly and pride myself on knowing things that most people don't... and yet I have NEVER posted a video of myself on the Internet, I'm afraid of using web cams and don't like when people take pictures because than people might see me and judge me, i'm uncomfortable talking on the phone with people and prefer to use txt messages and even voice mails unless there is a specific reason for my call even with people that I'm supposed to be intimate (father, person I'm dating, close friends). I've been so afraid of losing the image and the person that I spent so much effort to build that refrain from doing anything that I don't have complete control over. I guess it comes down to a matter of confidence, which is silly because I have no reason not to be confident. I am only 24 and between everything I do (including the consulting company I started and built) I make ~$150K/year. I live by myself (but have friends over frequently) in a luxury, doorman, circle and fountain in front, indoor pool, hot tub and gym apartment building that costs $3200/month with a balcony and window view of most of Manhattan, the Hudson river, and New Jersey. I regularly blow on average between $400 and $800 (my all time high was $1800 in one night) per week on bottle service and champagne with my friends and whoever I find attractive out at my favorite clubs. I take taxis everywhere even though I have a monthly metrocard and I buy anything that I really want within reason. I order out every night and frequently go to semi-expensive restaurants (and sometimes REALLY expensive restaurants... The Four Seasons) and pay for others. WHAT IS THERE NOT TO BE CONFIDENT ABOUT? By most peoples standards, especially those at my age, I live VERY well.

The problem is, I'm not happy with it. Its not just about the money... its about doing and being who I want to be. I can't stay where I am in my life and I don't want to. I want more and the only person holding me back from getting it is me. So this is it... this is the point at which I turn change and start openly pursuing what I truly want next. This is the first step...

I was reading an article off LifeHack called 6 Simple Steps to Make Progress Towards Achieving Your Goals and a thought came to my head. The article suggests multiple things, all of which I've read/heard before from places like Oprah's commencement speech at Stanford or Anthony Robbins Personal Power tapes or even from David Allen's book Getting Things Done. Each time I've read them, I've followed through on the exercises and suggestions and done them but only by myself and never out the open. I imagine this is because if I set my goals and tell people about them and then don't follow through, I'll be a failure (which we've already established I'm afraid of becoming) so I thought that this time, in an effort to be open and get myself away from the bad habit of thinking that way, I'll post here what my what the expectations are for myself by the end of 2009. I may not achieve them all but I'm not going to be afraid of failure anymore.

Where I Will Be in Life in 1 years Time :
I want a two bedroom penthouse apartment in the building I currently live in with a south facing wrap around balcony or one of the very large balconies on which I will put my own personal outdoor hot tub and use for parties. The apartment will be fully furnished with modern furniture. The master bedroom will have among other things, my current bed and a comfortable armchair by the windows to sit and read. The room will have its own 42inch or bigger flat panel TV mounted on the wall (and linked into my home network) and a Bose lifestyle system professionally installed. The second bedroom will be used as my home office, with my desk and computer set up, my home server set up (web server/media server), a futon/sofa bed for when my friends stay over, and a white board. My living room will have a nice corner couch and an armchair to sit in (perhaps the couch I already have), its own large flat panel TV system (linked into my home network), a Bose lifestyle sound system that can link with the one in the bedroom. On one of the walls I will have an framed original, custom made Joe Phillips cartoon that I had commissioned. There will also be a fully stocked fish tank. The kitchen will have a wine rack full of my favorite bottles of wine and champagne and a cappuccino maker. I will have a fully stocked bar and fridge with all different types of alcohol and drinks. In the garage downstairs, I will keep my BMW for the occasions when I want to go for a drive.

When it comes to where I work and what I do, I will not be doing IT consulting anymore. I will have given up my personal IT company and quit my full time job. I will have the flexibility to work from anywhere, but will spend most of my time in my new company's office or my home office. I will wake up early in the mornings, go to the gym so that I'm in great shape, have my cup of coffee and be excited to get to work so I can continue with my ideas. Some weekends, I'll make it a long weekend and take random trips to Miami, San Fransisco, or other places with friends but I'll always be excited to come back to keep working. I'll be well into paying off my student loans and other debt and be saving a bit more.

So there you have it. That's what I want next. I know it may sound like a lot and that I may sound like a brat but that's my next step... the next level I'd like to be at. So what's it gonna take? Not even millions... I'd say about $150K more than what I make now and a successful new venture of my own. Now, I may not make it to this in a year or even true but it doesn't seem so outlandish anymore now that I actually think about it and you'll all know if I fail because you'll see it here on this blog... but I won't, at least not in the long run. I am Dan Delphin after all, and there's nothing wrong with that... in fact, quite the opposite! I'm done being afraid and ready to get started!

The Four Seasons Restaurant

2008-11-20T13:55:00.000-05:00

So last night, i want to the Four Seasons Restaurant on the upper east side with Joe (the guy i'm seeing). It was quite the dinner. We ate in the Pool Room and received several complimentary dishes, including the cloud of cotton candy seen in the picture. I also tried white truffles for the first time and can now safely say that they taste like nothing and aren't worth their high price. I also found my new favorite wine... Its an Australian Shiraz: Clarendon Hills Shiraz Liandra 2003. Now i'm not really a wine critic but i've never tasted anything like this before. I'm going to look to buy some bottles for home! Overall, a very good night.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Norton... YOU AND I ARE DONE!

2008-10-13T02:35:00.004-04:00

Quick post about something that is really pissing me off... A couple months ago, I bought a brand new top of the line HP desktop. It came with a trial Norton Internet Security (an anti-virus/anti-spyware suite). Everything was fine and dandy for the first little while. I had no viruses and it did scans every so often to remove any potential spy-ware. Then it happened... my trial ran out and Norton began to become annoying... not just annoying... MORE THAN ANNOYING. Instead of letting me know when I start up my computer that my subscription expired and that my computer was not protected, it reminded me continuously... and when I say continuously, I mean every 15 minutes. This reminder involved getting a balloon pop-up that would be put on top of all my other windows.

Now that was annoying by itself, but then, in between the balloon pop-ups, I got the window pop-ups that I couldn't minimize and that I couldn't put other windows on top of... in other words... it blocked my view of the screen unless I dragged it off the screen to the side or clicked OK. There was NO getting rid of this thing.

If I should happen to click okay, it would whisk me away to the site where I could pay $50 to renew for a year. If I didn't follow through with the purchase, it would continue bothering me every 15 minutes no matter what I was doing, often interupting a TV show or movie. This went on for a good 3 weeks or so.

Finally, tonight, I've had it! I'm done. I refuse to be bullied into buying the update and as there was no way to turn the reminders off, I'm through with Norton (and Symantec). I'd rather pay more money to get a different virus scanner than give my money to a company that would annoy or scare most normal computer users into paying. So I bought Trend Micro Anti-virus/Anti-Spyware software directly from their website... downloaded and installed it... Let me tell you... nothing made me happier than clicking the YES button here!

I'll never use Norton again and will recommend to my clients to not do so either. It's Trend from here on out!

My Future Palo Alto Office

2008-08-01T20:13:00.000-04:00

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

My Favorite Mistake

2008-07-22T02:31:00.000-04:00

Sooooo... I have decided to let Zack and Alex stay with me while they get on their feet. That's all it is... the SHORT opportunity for them to get on their feet. Why you may ask? Well for those of you who know me at all, you'll already know... Even though I'm pretty much forfeiting any possibility of my end goal. Justin is gonna prob be pissed... But I guess that's what I get/deserve and you know what... I only slightly care. Its about time I do what I want, even if its bound to hurt me in the long run... And I KNOW it will.

I have always felt that people who are more fortunate should help those who aren't. Granted, there's more driving this decision than that... There's friendship, caring, and ... I'd love to come out of this experience better off... Happier... More stable in life and maybe, hopefully (though prob not) I will. If not, at least I made an attempt... I tried to make someones... two people's... lives better... I'll have given them a chance to make something of themselves at my expense... You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Its up to them now.

The best I can hope for is...
"to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition"

Or maybe... Just maybe... This is all in vain... And I'm LOST.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

In the darkness of terror, this poem provides a twinkle of hope

2008-07-15T17:32:00.003-04:00

I'd almost forgotten about this poem until an old friend reminded me that I had part of it in my Facebook profile... so here it is in its entirety. For me, it reminds me that life is full of difficulties, inspires me to recognize and conquer them, and helps me to feel proud of who/what I am today even if I'm not where I want to be yet.

If - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Blading down 43rd and 9th

2008-07-15T07:18:00.000-04:00

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Blading down 43rd and 9th

2008-07-15T07:17:00.000-04:00

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Why is RadioShack still alive?

2008-07-14T14:42:00.000-04:00

Honestly, I really don't get this. Why is this company still around? They don't do anything special. They seem to try to be a mix of everything, from selling cell phones to computers to video game systems to electronic components and they just suck at it all. They never have anything your looking for because they've spread their product lines so wide they only have the bare minimum of everything, or the product is just stupid. Take the picture as an example. Honestly, they either need to retool or throw in the towel!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

So here I am...

2008-07-12T18:18:00.005-04:00

And I find it kind funny, I find it kinda sad... these dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...

Why is it that we are lured in by beauty? We let ourselves get roped in and we open ourselves up and we learn about the other and the more we learn, the more we like and the more we get sucked in until there is no escape... like an asteroid caught in the suns gravity, we're too close... but the strange thing... the thing that takes the cake... is that as we approach the sun, now having no power to get away, that light we're attracted to like a moth gets separated from us by a transparent wall... causing us to be able to look but not touch... to clearly be able to see but not to be able to have... that wall is the wall of friendship and its a horrible horrible thing... and like a moth, we thrash around and bash our heads into the wall continuously because we cannot help ourselves and we'd prefer to bloody or kill ourselves for the possibility of breaking through rather than be on this side of the wall.

Yeah, its like that.

Beamer Baby!

2008-07-08T14:43:00.000-04:00

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Beamer Baby!

2008-07-08T14:28:00.001-04:00

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Beamer Baby!

2008-07-08T14:28:00.000-04:00

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

I deserve better

2008-07-06T21:44:00.001-04:00

You know what, I'm tired... Tired of spending so much money, tired of loaning money to friends and never seeing it again, tired of being used, tired of persuing people who at times seem to have ulterior motives. I need to cut those people out of my life. I def need to not let myself be attracted to people like this, as pretty as they may be. I am worth something and that something is at least more then these types of people. If those are the only type I attract, then maybe, I need to be alone. It would cost me thousands of dollars less and I'd prob get more accomplished and more centered. Don't get me wrong... I'd give the world (or as much of it as I can afford) to someone who was amazing on their own, truely cared for me, and who I had a real deep connection with. As far as I'm concerned, everyone else may as well ignore me because IM NOT PAYING FOR THINGS ANYMORE! YOU'RE ALL ON YOUR OWN!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

"My New Phone"

2008-07-03T22:56:00.000-04:00

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Out with Zack on his First Night Back

2008-07-03T22:13:00.000-04:00

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Where do I fit in?

2008-05-19T02:28:00.001-04:00

So just a quick post... I was out most of the weekend, after my mother's wedding, at the different bars/clubs and I don't know if it do/want to fit in there. I am doing this new thing with Chris Ryan and the internet, but idk what it gets me... Maybe I'm just afraid of failing... As usual.

And from the other side, the technology side, I feel like I'm not smart enough to compete with the visionaries and geniuses of the web 2.0 world. And I don't have some amazing point of view to share with the world via a blog, so that's out too.

I'm too dorky for one crowd and not dorky enough for the other... What does that make me? Just an average Joe I guess... And I don't think I can accept that.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

I'm going to lose my job... and so might you!

2008-04-29T17:22:00.009-04:00

Over the last few weeks I've realized something. This might not be news to you, but it defiantly was to me... my job (and the jobs of many other IT professionals) is going to disappear in the next 10 to 15 years and maybe sooner. Sure, they'll be some Systems Administrators and definitely some network engineers, but no where near as many as there are now. Here's my thinking...

The IT industry is currently about applications both on the PC and the server side. These applications and the machines they run on have to be set up and maintained, whether its a SQL server, a DNS server, a file server, a collaboration server, etc. Its the job of people like me to plan for, deploy, and maintain the computers that provide and can access these services. Typically, each company has their own private set of these servers and so there are a copious number of jobs in the industry, but there won't be for long.

The with the help of Web 2.0, the technology industry is moving away from applications hosted in house to applications provided as a service. We see this in the slow transition from applications like Microsoft Office to Google Apps or Zoho Office, from Microsoft SharePoint to Basecamp, from Oracle CRM Applications to SalesForce. As more Web 2.0 companies are created, more applications will become services and so require fewer in house resources, but its going to take a little while.

Right now, there are some limitations to prevent this from happening quickly. First, there's the problem of bandwidth, but this is steadily being solved with the deployment of low cost, high-speed connections. Next, there's the problem of web services not being able to function when off-line, but this was somewhat fixed with the creation of Google Gears and other utilities like it. Third, there's the heavy lifting that is required of some applications such as those required in photo, sound, and movie editing. The beginnings of a fix for this can be seen in platforms like Adobe Air and Microsoft Silverlight, which still make heavy use of web services but shift the CPU intensive functions to the clients PC.

There are also new initiatives like Microsoft Mesh, that will help facilitate the transition by making existing applications and storage available on any platform/device from anywhere but this is just a transitive step towards the inevitable.

Further proof...As I'm sure many of you are aware, more and more companies are turning to "Managed IT Services" for everything from Spam protection (think Postini) to Hosted Exchange. Companies typically love these because they are able to have enterprise class features without the enterprise price tag. Don't let that misnomer fool you. These "services" are the just the beginning of what's coming and the fact that small, mid-sized, and even large companies are eating them up is just further example of the inevitable.

In the end there will just be the browser or what we would consider a super browser, robust enough to do the heavy lifting of the most intensive applications. Companies will shed their servers in favor of the more cost effective service model for all their computing needs... a CRM service for CRM, an accounting service for accounting, a collaboration service for working together, an online office service for productivity... the list goes on. These disparate services (initially until they are bought up by big companies) will be linked together through a company portal (which will also be a service) that has links to the various services needed by the employees. File storage, when not handled by the specific service being used, will be its own separate service that the others link into. No more VPN connections to the office; a browser from anywhere in the world is all that's necessary. Troubleshooting problems will become something repetitive like, "Can you get to the internet?... Yeah... Okay, then you should be good.", requiring little to no expertise to fix.

There will still be IT jobs. The main jobs will be working as a desktop support technician who's main responsibility is to make sure the company computers can get to the internet (and this may not even be necessary), working at a web service company maintaining the companies infrastructure (the only thing that would resemble the high-end IT job of today) or maintaining the network between the two. That's it. No need for the many Senior Systems Administrator positions that exist today.

BUT THERE IS HOPE! You (and I) are currently in the industry going through the very beginnings of this change and so we have both the insight into the current applications that will become services and the technical know-how to run these new service companies. We must use this knowledge to build the service companies that will be the corporate IT infrastructures of the future. If we don't... someone else surely will.

Just cause my mother did it...

2008-04-08T02:54:00.005-04:00

Here are the results of my PersonalDNA test:

Check out my full report here:My personalDNA Report

Not sure if I really agree with them at all and I actually took the time to answer all 11 pages of the the questions as honestly as possible.

Resultset extended

2008-03-31T09:56:00.000-04:00

Forgot to say one additional reason it'd be good to switch is because I would almost certainly spend less money and drink less as there would be less of a need for me to impress people in the manner and I would need to have coherent conversations... So its doubly a good thing!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Refining my result set...

2008-03-31T09:53:00.001-04:00

So, the indoor classic is now over. I played for the Rambler Green Team after much controversy and though I had fun, I'm again wishing I hadn't spent so much money. I'll post some pics later from the tiring day event and the crazy/quiet nights.

Now on to the topic of the post... On Sat night at the very end, I went to a bar with some socer friends that I don't normally frequent on a sat night... Vlada. Normally, I'm out blowing way too much money at Rush with the very young ones but I was out with more respectable friends so we ended up going somewhere different. Now, normally, I wouldn't really be so up for Vlada because I feel that the guys more around my age are more pretentious and stuck up and I don't like dealing with them so I don't. Additionally, I tell myself that I'm not really looking for a relationship now so its best to stick with the ones that I'm I know a relationship isn't going to work out with. Well who should I see as I walked into the bar but Seth Baer-Harsha, the southern boy from New Orleans that I met at Rush, back when it was called Heaven, many years ago. He doesn't remember me, but I remember him. He is barely 21, if even that, but seems to carry himself as a bit older. As far as I knew (from Facebook), he'd been out of the country for a while and I didn't know he'd come back (because he must have been hanging out in different places than me). Eitherway, he doesn't recognize me and I don't really say anything to him, but it is enough just to see him to bring back my feeling of wanting to find someone really good for me; someone who was mature and really matched me well. Whereas I thought I wouldn't have the time to spend meeting and dealing with getting to know someone new, I think it might be worth something to see what's out there and not close off any options just cause I don't have time. Additionally, I'm going to switch up where I go out, visiting places with older guys (guys around my age) more. This should give me a better chance of finding someone who is actually good for me.
My mind keeps coming back to how I saw Seth... Me arriving and him on his way out, giving me no opportunity to talk to him. Maybe I wasn't supposed to yet or maybe I'm not supposed to ever. Eitherway, it def meant something and I will figure it out.

Back to work!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

A little down...

2008-03-24T15:40:00.001-04:00

So I'm a little down. I got in communication with a guy named Owen Thomas who writes for Valleywag.com and he suggested that VCs were over the whole social network thing. That has me down in the dumps a bit even though most of what we're doing is not 100% dependent on the concept of a full blown social network... Instead it kinda combines the ideas of digg, eyebees, a comment startup's name that I can't remember, while also providing benefits of a social network suck as increased usage and stickiness. I'm sitting here at a MIndShift client's office on Madison (I switched depts btw to the field tech dept... I'm SO excited) and just saw this chinese cookie fortune taped to cubicle divider: "Self-trust is the first secret to success." I think that was meant for me to see... A way to help me be reassured with what I'm doing.

So I think I'm going to figure out a way to make the company work without VC/angel investment... Just in case. I still think we'll get it but I think I make enough money to cover most monthly costs initially. After the initial app is done, its just a matter of selling to clients and then we're on our way to profitability.

I'm gonna make this company work!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Man in the arena

2008-03-20T11:05:00.001-04:00

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

- Theodore Roosevelt from a 1910 speech

Amazing Mother Nature (From Digg)

2008-03-20T10:46:00.001-04:00

This photo is totally real, only with one color boost to make the colors more like it was.

read more | digg story

Logo and domain name

2008-03-18T10:58:00.002-04:00

Ok... so here's what I have for logo so far. And I bought the domain name imheretech.com. The guy who's squatting both imhere.com and imhere.net wants $5K (which I think is just silly) but I'll loop around and buy them later.

I fucking hate this job!

2008-03-18T10:52:00.000-04:00

I really really hate this crap. I'm sitting in a meeting and have been completely ignored. Everyone else has been asked for the status of things and I've just been skipped over. On top of that, I dislike one of my coworkers (TA). She's just stuck up and refuses to help many times. More annoying is that she'll just stare at you like you're a fool when you ask a question. She takes forever to do things and get back to others about things... and she's sitting right next to me right now. Further, this company is going downhill fast. Company after company is leaving. There's downtime left and right... I would care more about this, but they don't take advantage of my strengths and when I ask to help, I'm held back... So forget this place. Right now its easy money, but I'm going full steam on my projects... I don't wanna stay here any longer than I have to. I need to start saving money...

Ok, so they asked for my status, but I still under-utilized. The parent company, MindShift, seems like a great place to work. The compliance department, however, is a piece of trash. Mike (my old manager) was right to get out when he did. If I'm still around in a year, I sure as hell will get out too. Hopefully I won't be though.

I'm scheduled to talk to Matt Lapovsky, an old HS friend, tomorrow evening about startup ideas and imHere in particular. I'll do it with or without him, but I'd be nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of. I am, however, concerned that he's fell out of the "web" world and I'll have to get him back in first. S'ok though... There's plenty to do: coding (front end and back), feature creation, interface design, business plan, company website, etc. Last night I was up part of the night working on things. I'll post the possible logo and maybe a general interface design. In the meantime, I think I'm going to buy the domain, imheretech.com and move everything over there. Currently, a very alpha build of part of the project can be found at http://ds410.servdns.com/imhere/defaultv2.aspx. This will be changing shortly.

That's all for now...oh wait, maybe not. 2 other things:

1. I've been put on the all star Ramblers team for the indoor classic so that should be good.

2. I have 30 or so days to figure out whether I want to renew my lease at $3200 (up from $3055) and if I don't, figure out where I want to go.

Now that's all.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

More Photos of the Actual Trip

2008-03-11T19:08:00.003-04:00

Just got these from Josh. If I could only go back in time one week... just one... I'd be a happy camper! Pay attention to how much I'm smiling!

In the dumps again...

2008-03-11T16:47:00.001-04:00

Once again, I'm feeling sad. I still have not heard back from jake about whether I'm involved in the party... And Chris said that he's not getting involved to find out. And... I miss that kid. And I am stuck with the stupid student loans. THAT'S IT! I'm going to make IMHere work! I'm going to pay those stupid things off and then be able to do what I want to. That's it!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Shell

2008-03-11T10:47:00.001-04:00

I feel like a shell... Like there's nothing inside and I just don't care. The memories of last week are slowly slipping away and all I can do is watch them go. I walked to the subway today and I just didn't care what time I got there. I'm on the subway now and it seems to be slowly making its way. I'm already really late and it just doesn't matter.

I spoke to joe about my issues last night: bad idea. I'm even more alone.

I also spoke with Brandon Propst who confirmed many of the ideas I had about zack's "using" situation. He also put things into perspective and suggested that to Zack, it was a good time with a friend. Nothing more and nothing less.

I haven't shaved in days... Or washed the blue out of my hair... Or taken off the score braclet... Not since the last time I saw him. I really haven't eaten anything in days... Maybe one full meal since last friday if you put it all together. I don't know when I'll do any of it. My stomach growls but I don't care.

Right now, I don't feel upset about him or my situation... Just empty. Like a Zombie... I don't have the will to move on or remember things so I'm just here.

Up til 4:30 AM last night, working and crying. So dumb. I figured out I could live in Miami on $50k and comfortably on $75k. I can also go back if I want for a weekend. Either on the empty line of credit with Capital One, or on the money I may not have to spend on the Fusion party in NY. I'm not sure they still want me working with them... I'm still waiting to hear back.

Seems stupid to move there for Zack. Its hard to see that that is the reason that I want to go but when I consider if I would want to stay there if he were gone (had moved somewhere else), I realize quite clearly that I would not want to be there anymore... And I'd be pissed with myself for going in the first place. That leaves traveling there... But that could only be for a weekend and there stands a chance that I wouldn't even see him... Which seems to make the trip not worth it for some reason... I guess the reason is that all I want is him... Something that he's not ready for.

I don't want to think. Just be.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Realization...

2008-03-10T11:59:00.008-04:00

This is going to sound cocky but its not meant to be... You know what I realized?!? I've got it all! I'm attractive, intelligent, entrepreneurial, I make amazing money for my age (or any age for that matter), I have my own beautiful apartment in Manhattan, family, I have friends of various levels that I can rely on (Tom, Ken, Hayden, Brandon, Jake, Jonathan, Marc, too many more to list), I have businesses that truely rely on me, I throw parties, I'm compassionate, I'm caring, lucky and I will offer someone amazing all the amazing things I have to give somewhere down the road. It could be someone I've already met or someone right around the next turn but I know he's there, moving through life day by day just like me and at some point, our life paths will cross and come together as one. I'm thankful for knowing that, the time that I have before that to become the absolute best me I can be and accomplish all my dreams, and the time after that when I'll have someone truely special to share my accomplishments with and to love and to be completely appreciated by.

I recognize my sadness in being back in NYC and my worry about losing who I was in Miami and realize that I've become hooked on Zack... but its not really Zack that I want at least not the current form of him... Its the concept of him... some attractive, intelligent, caring guy... and Zack doesn't meet the specs yet. Yes, my emotions have become entangled with my lust for him, being enamored with the happiness experienced in Miami, and feeling blessed by life but in actuality they are all separate things that I have mentally rolled together into the Zack of my thoughts. I've done the same thing with guys of the past, Joe Chiera, Victor, Brandon Propst, Brandon Hucks... the list goes on. I don't want someone who needs to be "kept"... there can be a disparity in money but I want someone who will appreciate everything I do for them and do the same back for me to the best of their resources. Right now, Zack is at a "kept" stage in life... living off other people for close to free as I've found many people do. I can't live like that... not on either end of it... the keeper or the keepee.

I'm glad I didn't give it all up. Life has truely set me up to be successful... I truely already am (but that doesn't mean I should stop working at it ;-) ). I used to believe that the best period of my life was during high school at Master's. Though I can look back now and still truely appreciate that time, these past couple months have trumped that. Its a matter of personal growth... every day, I feel like more of life's hidden truths are being exposed to me and with the new knowledge, I feel myself grow.

I am truely happy.

Another Pic of Zack and I...

2008-03-10T10:07:00.003-04:00

Another pic of us together at Edwardo's apt... I look horrible here... very sunburned and fat cause of the loose,red jacket ... oh well!

Is it all worth it?

2008-03-09T21:06:00.010-04:00

(Just some pics that I found... not of my trip there but of some of the things that took place at some point while there)

I have seriously considered staying in Miami.... I'm attached and have fallen for him and this place... I know that if I stay, it will really be for him but I won't be able to keep him around... my money will be gone and we won't be able to party like we have... I think the movie A.I. said it best in the scene where the boy gets one more day with his dead mother and they're explaining why it can only be one more day... and here's how I'm going to leave it:

...the very fabric of space-time itself appeared to store information about every event which had ever occured in the past... the equations have shown that once an individual space-time pathway had been used, it could not be reused. If we bring your mother back now, it will only be for one day, and then you'll never be able to see her again.

Life has provided me with MANY seeminly random events that have magically come together to provide me with the great time I had with Zack, but that time has now come and gone and as hard as I may try, it will never be like that again... even if I stayed here and gave up everything in New York and in my life as I know it (my money, my credit, my possessions), it would never be the same. I must trust in life and go where it leads... IT HAS NOT LED ME WRONG YET! I must remember that.

Also, I've started compiling the data-wide history of the last couple days (txts, twitter, imHere chat)... stay tuned for that... which may not come depending on how much work I want to put into it.

- Also another note... piyoho

Oh yeah... And brown addidas

2008-03-09T16:41:00.001-04:00

Oh yeah... And brown addidas string on zaks arm.

Dream has ended...

2008-03-09T15:31:00.006-04:00

So its over. I'm still in South Beach, Miami but its over. I have to pack and get ready to go. But before I do, I wanted to get this out and describe the dream before its completly gone. I don't wanna type out a long and descriptive story so I'm just gonna list out the points that I don't want to forget. I'm gonna keep it PG though but references to help me remember things will be made so if you don't understand what something means, its not for you, its for me.

- Took 4.5 days for me to let go of New York. Thurs was my first.
- Flute guy... nasty apt...CJs..."Buy me an Macbook Pro"
- Bought new bathing suits that I can't wear again
- bought new clothing
- went out with people I had met here, Jonathan, Cesar, Josh, Mike... I think there might have been a Chris too.
- Spent a wad of money that night (literally a wad... I think I had a money clip full of $400 when I started and $20 when it ended)
- Prior to thurs, had funny nights with April and Jon but it was brief and I hadn't let go... DIVIL!!!!
- Then Friday came and I almost didn't go out. I slept late, and almost didn't get out of bed at 10pm when it was time to go out. Would have been a MAJOR MISTAKE IF I HADN'T... because that night I MET ZACK FROM NEW YORK. YES its true... I did (See pic above). He was just sitting outside of Score with his friend and he recognized me.
- I have been without Zack for now more than 5 hours up to this point... we PARTIED the rest of that night away. He got amazingly drunk, etc as did I.
- Went back to his friends place where he was staying (Eduardo)
- Most beautiful Apt I've ever seen.... South Point
- Zack is ROUGH.... ROUGH.... ROUGH... HAIR
- I'm in heaven
- Massage... Loose...A&F...MANLY... gum on pants... crying... yes crying... but needed a reason to get out
- BAAAADDDD hangover for everyone the next day (yesterday)... food at big pinks... talk a lot to zack though...de-tassled corn in blue jean overalls in Indiana as his first job... BF not treating him correctly but has a pretty face so Zack won't get rid of him... zack is considering moving to Colorado with him (stupid move... but I don't say it to him soo harshly... maybe I did... oh well)... Hair grows thick and has to be cut every two weeks...past BFs were "Crazy"... Zack is physically violent with past BFs...
- Visit him at work (Pinocchios)...$50 tip... Upset because I've become attached... replaced clothing... addidas shirts (I Addidas Rome, I Addidas Girls... in Pink!)... Puma shoes...USER! but that's to be expected... I've already made the decision to let it be that way to extend the time... sad but necessary.
- Wait what seems like forever as he goes home to change and falls asleep. He comes over finally... FUNNY... back to Score!... We drink continuously... I LOSE AN HOUR!!! UNBELIEVEABLE!... THE SPEAKER IS AMAZING AND I DON'T KNOW WHY! I spend about 2 hours just sitting on it and watching zack dance for a couple seconds and then he goes off to meet others... I'm somehow in the music with the beat... not listening to it... IN IT... I AM THE MUSIC...Club closes at 5. Zack is trashed! Talks to everyone... learn more about him... LOVES HIS OWN ASS... would not need a man if he could only have IT... We have pizza and zack rambles to other people... kid is hungry... bf thinks he's too gay...poor boy... we take a taxi back to his place and pass out on the air mattress.
- Today we wake up... try to exchange his shirt but decides not to... CVS... back to jon's apt for a picture (the one above)...gatorade on the floor of the elevator... say goodbye... watch him disappear down the street... heart sinks...really sinks... Go up to the roof with IPOD and listen to flute...laughing and crying at the same time... the wind through my fingers... realizing the dream is slipping away and I can't hold on to it... it slips and slips and eventually...its gone... I'm back to old Dan... I can't be Divil full time... its not possible and I wouldn't accomplish my dreams... but sometimes... on vacation... its necessary to let go... be free... experience life... because no amount of "planned vacation activites" can top what I've done/how I've felt in the past 3 days... any attempt to stay here would break things...I'd have to give me up...and I can't do that...I'm just stuck... but I'll visit this happy place again... not miami necessarily... but this experience...
- Life has looped around for me... as it always does and its amazing... and I appreciate it.

I know I'm gonna want to add more after I stop writing this... but I could go on forever trying to note down everything.... as you can see though, Zak played a huge role in my happiness here...which is a good thing... but I was also happy other times...maybe I'll compile my IMhere entries, twitter updates, and txts to people to get a data-wide view of the trip but that will take some time... until then...Goodbye Zach... goodbye south beach... Goodbye Zach(again).... and goodbye Divil.

Coffee with Jonah Disend

2008-02-18T01:52:00.001-05:00

So I had my get together with Jonah Disend of RedScout. He's quite the guy; inspiring, confident, and intelligent. We had coffee down by his new apartment, which he is renovating. Several things struck me as awesome about his situation. First off, he does what he likes every day. Not only that but he gets paid to do it. Seems like the best of both worlds. Secondly, he walks through stores and goes out to bars and is surrounded by products that he and his company designed. Some of his clients include Absolut, Johnson & Johnson, and Nike. It must be an amazing feeling to see so many things that you had a hand in, out in stores and to know that you started a company responsible for all these things. The main idea I got from Jonah was "keep your eye on the prize", and it will pay off in the future. I realized today that I don't really want the lifestyle Jon is going for where he works little and does a lot with his money. I want to build something, to start something I can be proud of and that I can look back on and say "I did that". I just don't know where to focus. I got backexams, the gym vitamin idea, and of course DS410. On top of that, I've started the party producing thing as well. I know I don't wanna do DS410 type work forever but in the meantime it helps me keep a nice lifestyle. I have also had thoughts of moving backwards to move forwards (moving home to save money) but I feel like I'd miss so many opportunites if I did that so perhaps my best chance is just to move into a cheaper apt or to Queens or Brooklyn. I need to figure out what I'm going to do... I feel energized but don't know where to direct it... though I do know it wouldn't be towards my job. I hate it. Its boring and not what I thought it would be. All it does is pay the bills. Anyway, I have some stuff to do before sleep so I guess I'll start that.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Amazing...

2008-02-11T05:15:00.001-05:00

I don't even know the words to describe the feeling tonight. I don't remember ever being as happy as I was on the dance floor, conducting the electric violins to the house music while the room LITERALLY lit up around me, I was surrounded by friends, and just when the music built itself to the highest tension point to be broken by the massive thump of the bass, snow would come raining down on myself and the crowd around me, the strobes would fire, and I would be thrown into a state where there was only the here and now, and I was happy. Even if I should never do another party again, tonight will have been enough to last me my entire lifetime for it was tonight that I achieved another life goal. And as I I danced next to the party's other coproducer (Jake Levy) with a smile on my face, my hand waiving wildly in the air, it was as if I knew everything was right in my life. No alcohol was required for this high and it is one I will NEVER forget for as long as I live.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

No Day But Today...

2008-02-01T13:04:00.001-05:00

Without You,
The Hand Gropes,
The Ear Hears,
The Pulse Beats,
Life Goes On,
But I'm Gone,
Cause I Die Without You...

No Day But Today.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Major Breakthrough!

2008-01-24T17:52:00.000-05:00

Ok... so I've just had a major personal breakthrough... I invited Jonah Disend (Founder and CEO of REDSCOUT) to lunch this Saturday. You can check out an article about him and his recent sale of part of his company Here. I've wanted to do this for a long time, ever since I found out he was on my soccer team but being the shy person that I am, I could never bring myself to do it. Today I did.... out of nowhere! Even if he says no, its still a success for me and helps me become more social, which is a major goal of mine as I see it benefiting both my business and personal life. See the email I sent to him below:

Jonah,
I know it might seem a bit forward of me, but I was wondering if you
were interested in having lunch with me this Saturday at the place of
your choice. You see, I'm an aspiring entrepreneur and have always
felt that one of the best ways to learn is from people that have done
what I'd like to do. I am constantly reading books by CEOs about how
they started their companies and feel that it would just be an
opportunity lost if I didn't at least ask to get together with you.
I'm thinking it could be a very casual get together, not like an
interview or anything but more of a general conversation about how you
did what you did and with maybe some questions from me. I'm sure
people probably ask you for things like this all the time but I'd
appreciate if you could spare the time for me. If so, let me know what
time and where you'd like to meet. Wherever is convienent for you is
good for me. The only constraint is that I have a personal training
session at 3 PM so I need to be back at my building (hell's kitchen)
by 2:45 at the latest. If this weekend doesn't work for you, lemme
know when your free. I'd be more than happy to find another mutually
convienent time. Eitherway, I hope to see ya at soccer this weekend.

Thanks for your time,

Dan Delphin (from the Ramblers)

For Good...

2008-01-21T17:08:00.001-05:00

I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
[For Good lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

Horrible Sleeping Patterns

2008-01-15T09:53:00.000-05:00

All of a sudden, I can't sleep well. I wake up ever hour or so, get up for one reason or another, and then go back to sleep. I must have woken up at least 3 times last night. Its horrible. What is interesting is the fact that this past weekend, I slept better then I have in a long time.

In other news, Jon has finished the toolbar (though I haven't seen it yet) and I made my first ad network call to AdOn. I should have spent some time building the call list after hours but I didn't. Maybe tonight. Today at work, I want to accomplish the following:
- Exchange Lab prep
- Blackberry parameters
- Certificate plan learn/fix
- Centera collection problem resolve

I think these are good goals and attainable too. And after work, I have my PT session with Cliff. I'm looking bettr but I need to go to the gym more to keep it up. Anyway, onward and upward.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Focus

2008-01-14T13:51:00.000-05:00

Ok... I need to focus. I'm spreading myself really thin and not getting anywhere with anything so here are my priorities for the time being...

Work:
Full time work: MindShift
Current Goal: Get new blackberry and exchange setup done correctly

Part time work: My clients (DS410)
Goal: expand some services (remote BU and monitoring) for increased money

Personal Company Pursuit: MPowerAd (letting go of facebook app for now)
Goal: Sign at least 2 ad networks

Health:
Eat right
Regular gym visits
Goal: be able to see some abs and have nice chest and arms by first week of March

Relationship:
Open to possibilities but not spending all my effort in pursuit of anyone
Goal: None

Financial:
Paying back credit cards
Goal: Pay back 1 AMEX credit card

Personal Pursuits:
Magic
Goal: Build a balanced deck of cards for one on one and group play

Soccer
Goal: Work on my shooting accuracy

I can't do everything but I can do some things and by focusing, setting specific goals, achieving them, and setting new ones again I'll be able to see myself moving forward.

Also, some interesting stuff... I learned how to index and search web pages like google. I figure it will be important to know some of that stuff in the future for MPowerAd. Also, I apparently came up with the same algorithm (PageRank) that Google did for searches, while I was coming up with the algorithm for FB Most Popular. I didn't even know that until I learned more about how they built theirs (I came up with it on my own) Just an interesting note.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Turning a corner...

2008-01-04T22:09:00.000-05:00

I think I may be starting to turn a corner after being upset and dreaming about losing Joe for the last couple days. I had a talk with Rajni (a coworker) and that made me feel much better. I'm going to take control, move on, and be assertive about Joe moving on as well. I won't kick him out but I won't make it easy for him to stay.
After a total mess up with the elance provider, I've decided to code BubbleTalk myself so stay tuned for updates about that. I was once again reminded of how the only thing holding me back is me by the fact that another one of my ideas was snapped up and done by another company. Its all about follow through and I intend to work on doing that more in everything I do. It will obviously make things easier on my path to success.

Also on the burner is MPowerAd. I have to get the B plan done. I've been putting it off for too long. I'm gonna get it going this weekend.

Also I'm going to get more serious about my health and work out. I'm thinking of scaling up my sessions to 2 per week until my Miami trip in March. That combined with my normal routine (which I have to be better about) should make me not only in shape but feel great about myself as well!

Lastly, I'll be twittering a lot more now and I got my fb status to sync with my twitter account so u can check out what I'm doing at either place.

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Holidays are coming...

2007-12-21T00:36:00.000-05:00

Interesting Place

2007-10-21T17:57:00.000-04:00

I'm in a very interesting place right now. The last 9 days have been full of many ups and downs. I had a job at artnet scheduled to start this past Wednesday, only to have it fall through the day before. On the day I should have started, I did an exhaustive job search and by friday, I had another job line up to start next monday (not tomorrow but the one after). I went through 3 interviews with this place and it seems really hardcore in terms of getting things done and working hard. I think it'll be a good thing for me, provide me money to get ahead financially while giving me a better work ethic in the future. I plan to stay at this job for a long while, at least a year maybe much more. The new name of the company is called Mindshift and its actually a company I've heard of before while working for Citadel.
Jon seems to be doing well. He moved to miami and where he has leased a place for a year on Ocean Drive (street along the beach). Come november, between that, his condo in east village, and his office, he'll be paying nearly $8000 in housing expenses alone. Hopefully he'll be in a position to do that. He's started a new recruiting company off the back of his rentacert idea and if he succeeds, it'll be quite amazing and I suppose fitting as he always gets what he wants.
My plan is to pay down the credit cards, pump up my credit score, save some money, and pay off a lot of my student loan while also living well. That will put me in a much better situation to habe stabilty to start a new venture later.
I know I'm destined for greatness and happiness. Pehaps this past week was just a trial to make me stronger and more knowledgible for the future. I hope it is.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Just a quick update

2007-10-05T18:30:00.000-04:00

Quickly,
Finished the FB application last friday. There are about 50 people using it so far and a whole bunch of tweaks still have to be made for speed and usability purposes.
Also, I've been working on my own thing and not for another company for about 5 weeks now and I'm ready to go back to work I think. Jon has been consulting at this company called Artnet which I interviewed for and am waiting to hear about. The pay is around $130K/year and the job has almost nothing to do at all. I would get in at 10am everyday in jeans and a t-shirt and jeans, sit there and work on my own projects for a while and then go home at 5 or or 3:30 on Fridays after taking an hour lunch each day. Sounds nice to me... Just waiting to hear back.
Something I've noticed is that I seem to be hedging my life on this job... I keep telling myself that I'll do x,y, and z once i get it which seems to have just been a way for me to put things off. I realized this today and started making changes... Worked out hard, ate right, did some work and I feel great. I literally went from being a nervous wreck about this job earlier today to being extreamly relaxed. How's that for a state change Tony Robbins??!? Anyway, I'm gonna see what Kenny is up to and maybe hang out with him. I'll update again soon.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Equalization

2007-09-08T04:31:00.001-04:00

So, I've been off from work for a week now and in that time, I would have to say that I've been both productive, with the exception of yesterday and today.
Last weekend I went to Mystic Aqarium with Joe for his Bday. We got there really late and only had time to do the Beluga experience. It was fun and perhaps I'll post pics later.
The week went by pretty quickly. I bought rollerblades in an attempt to get in better shape, save money, and most importantly, have more fun. I have since been rollerblading all around the city and though I'm not the best, esp at stopping, I'm good enough to deal with city traffic and pedestrians with minimal problems (so far). During the day, I've been working on my fbMP application which is about 93% done. I have a few major glitches to fix but I'll be releasing it within the week on a new dedicated server.
I have been in a not so great mood recently because I have pinned sooo much on the success of this fb project even though I shouldn't and don't have to. I have thought of it as my way to ensure my continued freedom from work, telling myself that I'd make $100k in 3 months. I recently discovered some competiton to the app, which is no where near as good as mine but the user count is low causing me to worry about my apps success. This has been stressing me out the last day or so, dashing my dreams of success to pieces... Until about an hour ago when I finished The 4 Hour Work Week and reread the quote by Steve Jobs from an earlier post. I have now come to realize that this project is not the be all and end all of my life and it has taken enough of the pressure off to make me feel happy about the project again and look forward to getting it done just for the sake of doing it.
Anyway, I'm on my way to Joe's parents house for the weekend to celebrate his birthday there and we've just about arrived, so I'll end this post here.

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Quantum Computers and Levels of Enlightenment

2007-08-29T03:30:00.000-04:00

This post will probably end up being very conceptual in nature. I have so much that I want to get across and normally if I were speaking this blog instead, that would mean you were in for lots of examples of background information in an attempt to help you gain a complete understanding for what I'm trying to say. As it is early in the morning and I still need to sleep however, I'm going to attempt to refrain from going into as great a level of detail as I normally would.

I've come to the belief that there are levels of enlightenment, not because I have read it somewhere but rather because I feel I have gotten to the level at which my mind is clear enough to recognize their existence. When I speak of enlightenment, I mean clarity of understanding. Each of the levels represents a conceptual aspect of life and attaining enlightenment at that level seems to bring many benefits through its understanding. Progressing through the levels requires an understanding of many of the concepts relating to that level and the clarity of thought needed to recognize the level's existence. This recognition is the threshold after which you can start pursuing the next level. Further progress can also be made to gain an increased understanding of the concepts that make up a previously attained level.

At this point I feel as though I have recognized 3 levels. I will call them "Normal Life", "The Business World", and "3D conceptualizations", not because these are the best names for them but because they describe the pieces of information I've learned at each level. As I go on through life, I will probably end up renaming them to encompass new findings, though I doubt I'll ever have the perfect name for them because each level has just too much to understand to be able to sum it all up in one title.

"Normal Life"-
This level is the one that most people in the world seem to live in. It is composed of day to day activities and the "demands and requirements" life makes on us. Examples would include everything from paying the bills, to going out, to a club, to having to work, to going on vacation for fun. It represents the here and now of everything as well as future plans for things that we wish to become part of the "here and now" in the future. This is the level that I was at while working for Citadel and most of my life previous. I was always on call, overworked, continuously stressed, focused on the trivial things, and generally unhappy. My only way to get away from this was to go out to a club and drink and dance on a weekly basis and I often referred to this time as my "mini vacation" because when I was drunk my mind was free of everything. Unfortunately, the same things about drunkenness that would create clarity also put restrictions on any further thinking, so while my mind was clear, I couldn't recognize my mind was clear and therefore couldn't progress forward. A little while after leaving Citadel, moving out of Chelsea and my apartment with Dane, and starting a job that was far less stressful, things seemed to drastically change. I stopped worrying about where my next job was going to come from and how I was going to pay the bills, because they didn't seem to matter and also because I was in a much better state to be able to deal with these things as I had more spare money and savings. I thus had more freedom both in life and thought. The time I had previously spent worry about how I looked when I went out or where money was going to come from began to be spent on the next level, though I had didn't know it at the time (I've only recognized the levels today).

"The Business World":
This is probably not the best name for this level but I chose it because as I had more spare time, I began coming up with great business ideas from seemly nowhere. The freedom of my mind from the "Normal Life" level allowed me to let my mind wander and this wandering produced more ideas in a short period of time than I have ever had. I began to see how some of these ideas were feasible and how to get going on them, which I did. I stopped thinking about what already existed in "Normal Life" (previously thought of and used business ideas) and started to think about the what ifs.
Continuous wandering allowed me to start to conceptualize the next level. I was playing a very interesting PSP game called "CRUSH" which essentially makes you a character in the game world. The object is to navigate through each level, collect all the marbles, and escape through a portal that had to be enabled first. Now this sounds like a everyday video game except for one thing... when you first started the game, you were in a 3D world and could move in any direction. You could also change camera angles so you could look at the things behind your character (whether looking from the front, side, or top). At any moment, you could "Crush" the current camera angle into a 2D world where you could only move left and right. Check out the YouTube Video that shows this 3D to 2D conversion. This would allow you to reach other parts of the level that you previously couldn't get to. You could then uncrush putting you back in the 3D world.

This got me thinking about demensions in general and it became apparent to me that current computers are very limited and based on seemingly silly 2D concepts. They rely on 0s and 1s, representing the on and off states of electricity. Becuase of this limitiation in states, you can only store one piece of information, the state, which can only be one of two things. This concept is extended to computer memory and harddrives. If you think about it, a harddrive is representative of a piece of paper and pen, the magnetic platters being the piece of paper and the head that writes the 0s and 1s is the pen. So here we are, basing this seemingly advanced machine on 2 dimensions and yet the world isn't 2D!. Enter the quantum computer, which stores information based on the 4 quantum numbers that make up the properties of an atom. Essentaily, such a computer would be able to read and set the properties of an atom which each combination of settings meaing something different and thus making many possible states. Because more information can be stored, fewer operations would be necissary to do something than in a current binary computer and by running a computer at the same speed (GHZ) as current computers, a quantum computer would be able to complete a vast amount more operations. Unfortunatly, we don't have the technology to read and write atoms at our whim yet but its coming, and as a business it would be worth $billions if not more while solving many of the problems that trouble humans today. Anyway, this whole 2D to 3D thing got me thinking about the next level.

"3D conceptualizations":
This level is less about the whole 3D thing and more about moving from looking at business ideas from the busines standpoint and more the conceptual standpoint of how the pieces of things work. This is where acedemic instituations seem to thrive and term it "Research". It became less of "what is a good business idea" and more of "what makes a good business idea". Through freedom of thought, idle time, and clarity, I was able to apply this "reasearch" idea to life as well and now have began understanding things at the more fundemental level nature rather than man made institutions. This is also the level at which I recognized the existance of the levels.

After writing all this, I guess I might modify the level names in the following way, with each level being composed of the next:

Everyday Life --> Man Made Institutions --> Physics and the nature of the universe

I imagine the next level will be something along the lines of the ideas and concepts behind the physics and nature of the universe... I guess including things such as the "Why" things are the way they are... which gets into the area of religion. Though I am working on this level, I am still very focused on learning other concepts at the lower levels, as I believe that the understanding will benefit and enrich my life. Its taken me 23 years to get through these 3 levels. It may take me quite a bit longer to break the next.

In the meantime however, I'm happier then I have ever been. I have a clearer mind, more free time, and a general excitement about each day and its possibilities. In the future, I plan to start living more and stop putting things off until the time is perfect for them because the time will never be perfect. I'm looking into things such as taking stunt driving courses, learning to sail, traveling, and much more. My focus is on enjoying and making the best of each day because what's the point of living if you don't live?

Sidenote: The grammer of this post may not be perfect as I am tired and trying to get everything out very quickly.

Business as usual

2007-08-24T10:37:00.000-04:00

So a couple weeks ago, I decided I really didn't want to go back to working full time for anyone or any company. I've come to the realization that I just don't like following the rules of others that I disagree with (Sevda's IT stupidity) and it seems silly of me to devote most of my waking hours to do things that 1) are pointless and not going anywhere and 2) are boring and repetetive. I'd rather work on a whole bunch of my own projects that I see value in and find interesting, or at least work for a cause that is important to me. This all flies in the face of making large amounts of money, at least initially, which I'm partially okay with. It just seems recently, I've gotten up in the morning and been in a great mood, excited about what I was going to do. Now I am still at NYL until the end of the month, but I spend almost all day every day working on my own projects, which is what gets me excited in the morning. Its an entirely different feeling than the normal drab of just going to work and as I experience it more and more, I find myself wondering how anyone could live otherwise.

This week I kept myself extreamly busy on the various projects that I have going. NeNoob and backexams.com have taken a bit of a backseat to the fbMP project (no I won't tell you what that stands for) that I'm currently working on. That should be done within a week or two and released. I've been tracking its competition daily and they don't seem to be doing well... Mostly I believe because their product is overly simplifed and has a horribly nerdy name. Anyway, when its complete, I'm actually going to release it through my sister, Becca. The product targets her crowd and I think she'd be a great asset to get the whole thing going.

I also met with Chris Ryan and Jon this week to discuss future parties and gained a new client for DS410 through Craiglist. I actually may end up making quite a bit of money from them and if I could get a couple more clients like that, I'd be all set.

Anyway, I better get back to my project.

I NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE...

2007-08-17T12:23:00.000-04:00

Unbelievable!!! A facebook app is selling for $3 Million and another brings in $30K/Month. Shawn and I have one in the works but its not moving fast enough. I can taste the money... I can feel not having to find another job... I don't want to do it. I need to get this app done... I want to include Shawn but I need to get this project under my belt and making money so we can move on to bigger and better things.

I need to get the hell out of being employed by others and I believe the quick way to do this is through this app!

UPDATE: Turns out the $3 Million thing was just rumor. The $30K/Month thing isn't though and that kinda money ain't bad either!

Presentation at NYL...

2007-08-16T16:38:00.000-04:00

So I just did a WebEx presentation of the documents I have been working on at NYL. Right before I started, I was watching the keynote address of Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook and had commented to multiple people how much of a dork he was and how he had no stage presence. I then presented worse than he did... in my mind I did. The presentation didn't go the way it was supposed to and people frequently interrupted me with questions. Couple that with the fact that I had never used WebEx before and some errors on the server that I was presenting from, and it made of a less than stellar presentation. I know when I'm "on"... and I definitely wasn't in this situation. I guess it serves me right.

On another note, on Tuesday I went to the Web 2.0 meetup in NYC with Shawn Gregg, one of the people who I partner with on projects. We watched presentations about Snooth.com (a user-based wine review site), upnext.com (a 3d map web app), and Heycosmo.com (a video and voice based gaming site). Shawn and I also paid particular attention to a venture capitalist that was there, though we never made it to talk to him. We both felt it would be better to have something to show first (a b-plan, a beta) before we approached. He and I then went to dinner at Cafeteria where I told him about another idea I had. He promptly recommended we implement it using facebook so we are currently working on that. A working beta should be up by the end of September and news can be found at http://www.backexams.com. We haven't stopped work on NeNoob, which I am currently writing a business plan for. Once we have the plan done, I hope to start shopping it to investors shortly after... maybe around the time the BackExam beta is released. We're hoping to use BackExam as a springboard and proof of knowledge and experience for our meetings with VCs and angels. We both believe that through FaceBook, back exam will actually become quite popular and that we might be able to monetize it a bit through advertisements. He and I still have to work out the site features, but by collaborating through the BaseCamp webapp (made by 37Signals) we should have no problem getting things done.

I guess that's all for now... Matt Lapovsky did cancel on me for lunch tomorrow so hopefully we'll be able to reschedule. I would have liked to get him onboard some of these ideas and apps but I guess that may not happen. Oh well, at least there dinner and Splash tonight with Marc, Joey, and maybe Mark.

I can see happiness from here...

2007-08-14T14:21:00.000-04:00

So I just had a conversation with Jon and for some reason I feel very motivated and empowered. I'm tired of settling for a lot of the things that I do. If I don't like something, I'm gonna take control of it and change it... not just ignore it. I wish I could bottle this feeling and refer to it when I feel down. I should make every attempt to enjoy everything I do and do things that I enjoy. I'm gonna do that!

Anyway, currently researching jobs. Finished all the specified work at NYL and just sitting around doing nothing now.

Will write more later.

Oh Yeah...

2007-08-07T13:05:00.001-04:00

Oh yeah... and the best part is that should your contacts change their
address or phone number, plaxo updates the info in all your synced up
contacts as well... at least that's what I've read.

Sync'd Up

2007-08-07T03:01:00.000-04:00

Finally, something that syncs everything up! I have discovered (or been referred to by Shawn Gregg) Plaxo 3.0 and while I knew about it before, now that it has cool syncing features, its better and I'll actually use it.

What it does is syncs your calendar, contacts, notes, etc from all the different sources that you may access them. So for me, it syncs my laptop and desktop MS Outlooks with itself, Gmail, and my Blackberry (via Outlook). It also allows me access from anywhere via http://m.plaxo.com. Either way, I think its pretty cool and am making good use of it. They also have a new social network called Pulse, but I haven't checked that out yet. I'll let you know what I think!

Cool Site for Startups...

2007-08-05T02:28:00.001-04:00

I wish I had found this in February so I could have met the deadline for this summer but there's always next year.

Check it out: http://www.techstars.org

Quite impressed

2007-08-03T00:43:00.001-04:00

I was quite impressed with this site: http://www.startforce.com. Its a full blown OS in a browser!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Steve Jobs Quote

2007-07-31T15:30:00.000-04:00

You can't connect the dots looking forward,
you can only connect them looking backwards;
So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future;
you have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever, because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart,
even when it leads you off the well worn path and that will make all the difference.

- Steve Jobs, Stamford Commencement Speech 2005

I found it while watching speech which I downloaded from ITunesU. It is one of the most well spoken things I've ever heard and believe that has held true of my past and will continue holding true in my future.

Itunes U

2007-07-31T14:06:00.000-04:00

Quick post... Just found Itunes U (a section of the Itunes store). It has classes from multiple univeristies that you can download to your ipod. Check it out!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Time Extension...

2007-07-31T11:58:00.000-04:00

So my contract at NYL got extended by a month, which is a good thing. It will give me some extra money and allow me to be in a better position than I was before. I think I'll have ~$5000 saved from my 2 month say, which would put me in a great position if I start a job immediately after I end here and give me some flexibility if I don't. If I can get it extended one more time, that would be awesome as I would prob be able to save ~$9,000 then.

Either way, things are going ok except for last Wednesday at the Ramblers Batchelor Auction, which I left very drunk. I ended up hitting my head on something and now I believe I have a concussion, so I'm going to attempt to shy away from drinking and playing soccer for a week or two.

In other news, bought www.myentreprenet.com and had intentions of setting up a social networking site there for entrepreneurs but decided that this would distract me from NeNoob so I am going back to that. Maybe I'll get back to that later. Next step for NeNoob is a database diagram, which I'm going to try to get done today.

Ok, back to work.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Finally Some Praise

2007-07-24T15:38:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post... As I've looked back on my recent employment past, I've often thought that it was just a string of failures... from Chelsea...to Citadel. Often these failures could be attributed to other things such as the company being too hard on their employees (Chelsea) or having a crazy boss and a crazy environment(Citadel), but I never let go of the fact that there was always one common theme through all these events. That theme was that I was involved. Its hard to escape the idea that its all been my fault and that has pulled down my self esteem drastically. Today, however, I can say something different. I just came out of a NYL meeting with my managers, during which I gave them a update as to what was going on with the project and to my suprise, they said I was doing a good job! Finally, some praise and a way for me to beat back my fears that it was all my fault.

Anyway, just wanted to share that. Back to work now.

Just think...

2007-07-23T02:10:00.000-04:00

Ok... so a quick post before I go to sleep. I been a little concerned about how to get my new site NeNoob.com going. Without going into a lot of details, the problem involves getting one for the the two use groups noobies ("Newbies") involved. I see no problem with the nerds. I think they'd love a site like this (for reasons I can't disclose yet), but getting people who haven't used a computer much to sign up will be a bit of a hassle... at least at first. If I could get some money, I could do some marketing and advertising. I actually have some ideas about the whole thing but I'm concerned they won't work. I know I've told myself that this site and business isn't the be all and end all of my life and in fact that it is a learning experience whether it's successful of not but honestly I'd like it to be somewhat successful. I don't need to become a multi-millionaire from it but I'd like to pull in a couple hundred thousand a year... is that too much to ask??? Eitherway, as a result of my problems, I've been a little bit discouraged with the whole project and so haven't gotten the much more done. I haven't given up hope though so stay tooned!!!

Also, I found out tonight that Jon is going forward with the idea I termed "AirPulse". Kinda pisses me off a bit considering I did most of the work initially and motivated him forward but eitherway, I don't expect that he'll have the motivation to get it really going especially considering the fact that he's taking his cross country drive starting next week (I think).

And lastly, the reason for this post... I was just thinking about giving it all up and being young for a bit longer. My job at NYL will be coming to an end in a week and I'll have about $8,000. I know I have commitments here in the US such as bills, boyfriend, rent, etc... however wouldn't it just be nice to just go away for a couple months and explore the world? I think I could pay $1000 worth of credit card bills, put the student loans on hold, and just fly off and stay in hostels around Europe. I imagine it would be quite the experience... but alas, I am far too stability seeking a person to do that.... it is nice to dream though. I feel a bit like The Little Mermaid, trapped in my under sea world (New York City) by my father (my bills, my bf, my apt). This would delay my plan for world domination (muhahahah) but at the same time it would probably open my mind and I'd learn a lot. Anyway, its really just a dream... and probably will never happen... at least I don't think it will. Goodnight!

Amazing... its the Internet

2007-07-18T12:19:00.000-04:00

Ok... first off living with Joe in Hells Kitchen... working as a consultant for New York Life... looking for a new job because this one ends in 1.5 weeks.

Now that that's done...

Its amazing. I had a conversation with a guy named David from the Ramblers Soccer Team who is starting his own company and all of a sudden it seems as if my world changed. We discussed many things over a short period of time but I found myself enamored by the whole start up thing. He recommended several startup news sites including Tech Crunch and since then I haven't been able to stop... stop thinking, stop reading (now using Google Reader, stop coming up with ideas (using Google Notebook to store them and clip things that I like). Its as if the internet suddenly appeared before me as something I had never used before. I keep finding all these new things to learn about and read, from startups to new technologies. Here I am, an IT professional thinking that he knew what it was all about because it was his job to be in technology, and all along I've been missing the train. Yeah, I knew about Myspace and facebook and many of Googles apps (used to be very against Google and everything they did actually), but I never really let any of it in. I never really got involved. Now I can't stop... I can't sleep (Stayed up all night 2 days ago)... and to make matter worse (well better actually) I've come up with a Web 2.0 idea of my own... actually a couple but one in particular that I'm focusing on. Its like my whole life and focus has changed but in a good way. Now I have a purpose and even if this idea fails (as it may), it will just be one on my path to success. I can feel myself heading for it and know that I will eventually make it... its just a matter of time. So watch out world... I'm Dan Delphin!

Other notes... something needs to tie all the Google stuff together. They have a lot of products and features but no real tie ins across everything. Their desktop search work with their search engine, email, and the file system, but it doesn't work with their other products like Google Reader, Blogger, and Google Notebooks. If I'm going to start storing much of my info using the apps that Google provides, I'd like to have it all integrated somehow. I'd like to be able to easily switch between apps and have direct integration between them. Also, features that are clearly useful in one app don't get integrated in other apps. An example, something as "simple" as rich text editing which can be seen in Google's email interface, isn't even provided in Blogger. Google may be making billions of dollars and be buying company after company, but they aren't truely integrating them together or not nearly as much as they could/should. They seem to just buy, use and improve for a short time and then move on to something else. Someone needs to be in charge of integrating it all together. They have the platform and the API to do so... they should just do it!

This leaves me with many ideas on how to improve Google's services but no real way to do it because I'd have to be working at Google and involved with the actual apps design. Oh well, I have tons of ideas and finite amounts of time. I'm sure they'll get it right eventually.

Anyway, back to actually doing what I'm supposed to be doing here at NYL. Watch for posts about my new company... still trying to come up with a good name!

Break it down now... (2 day entry)

2007-04-25T22:46:00.001-04:00

So I've broken my issues down a bit. For starters, the joe issue is really 2 issues. The first one is about the relationship in general and whether I'm ready for it. The second one is about money. I need to make a decision on the first question before I can move on to the second.

My job is another issue. I go back and forth about how I feel about my job. Sometimes I'm really happy while other times, I'm pissed and stressed. For this issue, its really about the money and how quickly I can make more. We're about to do a $250,000 deal and yet I don't feel like my cut will really be that much. To make as much as I could start at with another job would probably take me well over a year.

... (continued the next day) ...

So I don't know what to do about that (the job). And these are the things I need to think about and make decisions about. Which bring me to a Warrior of the Light quote:

"The Warrior of the Light is terrified when making imporant decisions. 'This is too much for you,' says a friend. 'Go on, be brave,' says another. And so his doubts grow. After some days of anxiety, he withdraws to the corner of his tent where he usually sits to meditate and pray. He sees himself in the future. He sees the people who will benefit or be harmed by his attitude. He does not want to cause pointless suffering, but nor does he want to abondon the path.

The Warrior of the Light allows the decision to reveal itself. If he has to say 'yes', he will say it bravely. If he has to say 'no', he will say it without a trace of cowardice."

After talking with Ben Leibig, I have also come to like some poems about love and marriage in a book called "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran. One phrase in particular caught my attention when it was discussing relationships:

"Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow"

I think this would be good advice to follow with joe and for him to understand as well. I think I'll recommend he read that poem.

I also found a list of 11 rule about life that Bill Gates supposedly tried to teach a graduating High School class through a speech:

RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.

RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world
will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel
good about yourself.

RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out
of high school. You won't be a vice president with
car phone, until you earn both.

RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a
boss. He doesn't have tenure.

RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
grandparents had a different word for burger flipping
they
called it Opportunity.

RULE 6
If you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't
whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as
they are now. They got that way from paying your bills,
cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about
how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation, try
delousing the closet in your own room.

RULE 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
but life has not. In some schools they have abolished
failing grades and they'll give you as many times as
you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the
slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get
summers off and very few employers are interested in
helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10
Television is NOT real life. In real life people
actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for
one.

I'm going to make an effor with things again. Dave (from Citadel... my current company) made a point today which stuck in my head. He suggested that everyday that I give my all builds up my own personal integrety and allows me to feel good knowing that I am doing the best that I can. I am going to start trying to do this and looking for patterns and methods of performing at the best of my abilities.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

So the truth is... I'm lost!

2007-04-24T09:01:00.000-04:00

So here I am, once again I'm lost in life. I don't feel stable in any way. Maybe I'm overthinking thing a bit but I just don't feel happy with my current life or where its going. I feel like I don't have any plan in place for my future and success... or if there is a plan, I can't see it. Someone told me that I should let this happen... live without a plan for a while and let myself gel and the right path with come. This was suggested rather than scrambling to try to immediately try to correct the imbalance be throwing myself hard in the opposite direction as I've done in the past.

I'm back together with Joe and we're moving in. I honestly don't know that I feel good about this choice. We haven't really been getting along that well but I feel that to tell him I'm not ready after I made all these promises to get him back would surely end the relationship, something that I don't want. To make matters worse, when he move's in, I have to pay for everything. He's gonna stop working completely. I am NOT comfortable with this, but its either that or live in the Bronx or the upper westside. I don't think I want to nor do I think I can afford a $2500 apartment. I feel like that's a lot of money to ask me to spend and I don't feel its an equal share (even if he does provide the debt of his student loans). I want to be happy, but I feel he's going to put restrictions on my life, and if I ever tell him how I feel, he'l surely respond with, "Well that's not what you said when you asked me back." I'm trapped in this manner. I do love him, but I'm not ready for this with him yet. I'm sure he'll end up reading this.. And if you are Joe, don't get mad. Please try to be understanding. I just don't know how to handle it correctly.

Around the same time as moving in with joe, I'm going to lose my health insurance from my father, and my big student loans will start coming due (yet another reason I'm afraid of lack of money). On top of that...

Had to stop last night cause my BB died.

Eitherway I think the end of that message was, "I'm unhappy with my job".

Will continue later.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

If at first you don't succeed, you'll have to actually try!

2007-04-20T12:22:00.000-04:00

Once again everything is different... My job, my relationship status, my friends... but I think I'll just get to each in its own time instead of just saying it all out here.

I'm currently reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and there are some interesting ideas presented in the story. I thought I'd post a quote that I like:

"If you start out promising what you don't have yet, you'll lose your desire to work toward getting it"

- Wise old man

To me, this quote makes me think about times that I have new business ideas. I tell many people about them and about how much money I'll make and how successful I'll be, but then it never ends up happening. I often times don't even begin the process of working on the idea so there's no outcome one way or the other. It seems as if internally, I am so afraid of failing in others eyes and my own that I'd rather not try (and be able to say that I didn't) then have to deal with the possibility of truly failing. The more people that I tell, the more of a build up that I have against my actually working on the idea because I've increased the number of people I'll fail in front of.

I've recently realized that it is better to try and fail than to not try at all. If I try at something, there is a chance that it'll succeed and even if it doesn't, I'll have learned something in the process. If I never try, than there's no chance of succeeding.

One of my other issues, even once I get past the point of making the decision to try is how to choose what ideas to truly go after and what ideas of not worth any time. Also, along the same lines, how do I know when to give up on an idea? Should this be something that I set before I start or should I just play it by ear? This is a very difficult question for me and I suppose it is really part of a broader issue of mine... I'm afraid to make mistakes. I don't care about stupid little mistakes, but the big ones... the life altering ones. I dread those. Often, I'm so afraid to make a decision one way or the other that I'll just not make one and whatever is the "no action" decision wins out and I can once again put a disclaimer up that it what happened wasn't my fault if it goes badly.

I need to take more control of my life. I need to make mistakes on a path that I've chosen so I can learn from them. I need to fail so I can succeed.

Another passage that I liked from the book was the following:

" 'What's the world's greatest lie?', the boy asked, completely surprised. 'It's this: that at some certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie.'"

I was read another book a little while ago that said something similar. It was something like...

"Most people let life carry them like a river, allowing it to take them wherever it wants them to go. These are the people that believe in fate, and blame things on life when things that they want don't happen for them. These people will never succeed."

I used to believe that I was definitely not one of those people but as I look at things more and more, I see that I am. It is, however, a good thing because the first step to fixing a problem is realizing that you have one... and that is what I've done today.

Amazing night!

2006-10-09T09:24:00.000-04:00

Ok... well I missed playing on the soccer team cause I signed up too late... but there's always the spring and now I found a whole bunch of other places to play as well. Anyway, what I want to talk about was last night. It was AMAZING.... I was very surprised by the way I was treated and by what happened. It was a great change of events compared to what I'm used to...
Okay... so here it goes... I went out to the normal Sunday night party, which was at Roxy this weekend. The party itself sucked, but some of my go-go boy friends were there... Brandon (who I would consider the lead boy and who's picture is below with Ron) and Blake (who is Brandon's friend and shares a room with him in Brooklyn). Brandon's myspace page can be found at http://www.myspace.com/63422341 and Blake's at http://www.myspace.com/jerseyboy4248.

... And now I'm in a bad mood because I got my pay stub and somehow the hours got messed up and the taxes got taken out when they shouldn't have been and I feel like crap. I know this pay check is wrong but I am not currently in any mind set to set it straight. I'm gonna work it out tonight I guess. Eitherway, back to the story about last night...
So while I was sitting with Jon, Brandon waived from across the club on the box, which put me in a good mood. Sad that such little things change my mood... but it gets better. A bit later, Jon and I are dancing and Brandon comes out of no where, grabs me, and tells Jon that I'll be back in a bit. He then pulls me through the club all the way over to the entrance where he proceeds to introduce me to John Blair. He then has me fill out my information and tells me that I'm going to get a JB gold card (A VIP entry card to all gay parties)!!! I had completely forgotten about asking Brandon for this until he reminded me last week but I really didn't think he would come through with it... BUT HE DID! Very impressive. Then, on my way back to Jon, Brandon hands me a drink ticket (for a free drink). Later, I go to give him the tips that I normally do and tell him thank you for everything and he says that he doesn't need the tip from me to thank him... that I'm his friend and that's why he did these things for me... again, I was VERY impressed. Most guys would just take the money but I guess there's something different about Brandon. So later in the night, we all (Brandon, Blake, and I) decide were going to Cafeteria, so when Brandon and Blake get out of work (2:45 AM), we jumped in Brandon's car and drove there. The meal itself there was ordinary except for the fact that Blake and I spent the time discussing putting a party together which seems like it could really happen now... he seems to be pretty business savy... Then right before we asked for the check, someone came over and said that they had paid for it and that we were good. AMAZING... I had thought that I was gonna have to pay, but it seems that the two of them were pretty much celebrities so stuff just came for free. Anyway, after that we all left and I went home at that point, but it was a great night!

Happy Ending...

2006-09-12T19:46:00.000-04:00

I must say that I feel like today was one of the best days I've had since moving to new york... Not because the whole day was wonderful, cause it wasn't. It did, however, end wonderfully with a game of pickup soccer in central park. The area I was playing in was one of the most beautiful I've seen in the city; green trees and lawns surrounded by sky scrapers. I played for about an hour and then it got too dark to continue. Playing soccer again made me feel wonderful. Earlier I signed up for a league but I don't know if I'm gonna be able to play cause it is pretty late in the signup process.
The time warner sky scrapers also inspired me in terms of business, so when I get home, I'm going to keep chugging away at my new idea. I know all its going to take is some hard work and dedication to beat out my competitors. I know that with the right planning and a winning team, we'll be able to do it. Stay tuned for updates about this buisiness. Alright well I'm almost at my stop so I got to run... Hopefully I'll write again soon.