Life Unbalanced

So, as usual, I'm extreamly behind in updating this thing... so lemme give you the run down quickly so I can get to the real topic of this post...

1. Live in NYC now at 20th and 7th with roommate named Dane
2. Work in NYC now at Chelsea Technologies
3. Not in any type of relationship

Ok... now that that is out of the way, and before we get to the meat of this post, let me just say that the view from the office I'm working in is abs beautiful. Its a corner office that looks down several streets as well as down 5th ave. The windows are floor to ceiling all the way around so I can literally see everything. Looking out the windows gives me a surreal feeling because its hard to believe that just on the other side of the glass, there is a whole city going about their business and I can see everything! I'll make an effort to bring my digital camera in to take some pictures.

Now the meat... I'm very unbalanced right now. I have no idea what I want and this isn't something that I'm very comfortable with. Workwise I work an excessive amount of overtime, which comes in handy as a load of extra money, but in general I'm kinda tired of money. Okay so here are the balance items:

Love - I am very messed up and can't figure out what almost anyone wants from me. Just when I think someone is not intersted, they turn around and act intersted again. It makes me over think things and wonder why they do what they do. For example, Ron (see pic below), a new guy who I've been hanging out with a lot seems to be a very nice guy... when he's not drunk. When he's drunk, he does everything from have me wait for him for excessively long periods of time only to decide not to hang out with me to just pretending that he doesn't know who I am. Then the next day he'll text and call and tell me that he misses me. It doesn't make any sense to me, or Rukayat (from work), or Alexis (ex-gf that I hang out with a lot), or Jon. Before Ron, I had forgotten what it was like to want to be in a relationship. I thought I wanted to be single focus on me and part of me still does. But Ron reminded me of what it is like to be in a relationship and have someone that cares about you... not because that's the way it is with him, cause it def isn't at all right now, but more because I saw the possibility of it with him at one point. It makes me think of Joe, and what we had before. At times, I miss him a lot actually... speaking of which, he's going to be living at my mother's house for a couple months once school starts. Should make seeing him as easy as going home. So anyway, I conflicted and confused because I part of me wants a real relationship with someone and the other part of me is afraid to do it because of all the wasted thought cycles spent overthinking things.

Health - I suppose I'm healthy. Nothing really to report here. Well, maybe there is... I'm exhausted right now and its because I've been going out too much and not putting my foot down with people (Ron again) when I have to leave. I need to be more responsible (or as jon would put it... prioritize). My job is what feeds my life and I need to make sure that it is a real priority and not just something that I do. I need to sleep more and I need a vacation, which isn't going to happen because I'm in charge of the disaster recovery project for Fir Tree and it needs to be finished by the end of August, which is when my school starts. I'm finishing DiffEq and getting my degree and being done with school for a little while. Until that happens however, I enjoy still being able to say that I'm a college student... makes me feel not quite so old when I go out.

Work/Money - I'm now over six figures with the amount of overtime I do but something that I've been told many times before finally hit home the other day when I was overthinking things with Ron... I used to think that having money would be all I needed to make me happy. I now know that that is not the case and that money cannot buy happiness...

Jon called.. I lost my train of thought... oh well I should get back to work anyway...

Ron: Met him at Splash Bar. He is a go-go boy at Splash and Mr. Black. He is 18 turning 19 and is going to be attending Pace University in the coming fall semester. See a picture of him below (he's the one on the right):