So the truth is... I'm lost!

So here I am, once again I'm lost in life. I don't feel stable in any way. Maybe I'm overthinking thing a bit but I just don't feel happy with my current life or where its going. I feel like I don't have any plan in place for my future and success... or if there is a plan, I can't see it. Someone told me that I should let this happen... live without a plan for a while and let myself gel and the right path with come. This was suggested rather than scrambling to try to immediately try to correct the imbalance be throwing myself hard in the opposite direction as I've done in the past.

I'm back together with Joe and we're moving in. I honestly don't know that I feel good about this choice. We haven't really been getting along that well but I feel that to tell him I'm not ready after I made all these promises to get him back would surely end the relationship, something that I don't want. To make matters worse, when he move's in, I have to pay for everything. He's gonna stop working completely. I am NOT comfortable with this, but its either that or live in the Bronx or the upper westside. I don't think I want to nor do I think I can afford a $2500 apartment. I feel like that's a lot of money to ask me to spend and I don't feel its an equal share (even if he does provide the debt of his student loans). I want to be happy, but I feel he's going to put restrictions on my life, and if I ever tell him how I feel, he'l surely respond with, "Well that's not what you said when you asked me back." I'm trapped in this manner. I do love him, but I'm not ready for this with him yet. I'm sure he'll end up reading this.. And if you are Joe, don't get mad. Please try to be understanding. I just don't know how to handle it correctly.

Around the same time as moving in with joe, I'm going to lose my health insurance from my father, and my big student loans will start coming due (yet another reason I'm afraid of lack of money). On top of that...

Had to stop last night cause my BB died.

Eitherway I think the end of that message was, "I'm unhappy with my job".

Will continue later.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

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