It's 6:43 AM on a Monday morning and I'm 26 years old. Standing over the bathroom sink and looking at myself in the mirror, I realized something...
Today is the first time, in a very long time, that I'm happy with what I see and who I am.
:-)
7.19.2010
Man in the Arena...
I read this quote a few years back in a blog post by Michael Arrington but only recently thought of it again. It gives me inspiration and reminds me every day that even my attempts themselves, though many times futile, are always worthwhile.
It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt
It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt
7.18.2010
Life Trending Up?
While reading Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose' by Tony Hsieh (CEO of Zappos, which was sold to Amazon.com recently) with Kindle on my Droid (which by the way is the best thing in the world... thought I'd never want to read on my phone but its amazing), I realized something.
In the beginning of the book, Tony goes through his childhood and the different entrepreneurial ventures he attempts, from worm farming, to button making, to Christmas card selling. He also tells about his involvement in activities that were out of the norm. I'm sure there will be more great stories ahead (haven't finished the book yet), but even this short list got me thinking about my childhood.
When I read books like this, I often compare myself to the author in an attempt to figure out whether I have the same mentality (which hopefully therefore puts me also on the path to success). This time was no different, except while searching my past for comparable things, I remembered some things I had forgotten.
Even when I was young, I had entrepreneural ambitions. I've always easily recalled the times of having a battle at the lunch table with my friend Jon Corbett over who was going to be more successful in life and the starting of Delphin Solutions and eventually DS410 LLC in college, but I had forgotten about the various things I had done between those memories.
Though I don't remember the age I was at the times, here are some examples of activities I particitated in:
- Walked around my apartment complex to sell gifts out of a catalog
- Made peanut butter balls from a kids cookbook recipe and sold them door to door
- Built my church's website
- Started the trend in middle school with Jon of doing the announcements in the morning over the PA system (Later, everyone wanted a chance to do this so we had to train others)
- Got to skip a full day of school to learn about the lighting board in the theater and be one of the very few people allowed to run it (for performances, etc)
This trend continued into high school, where I tried to start a web design company with classmates (Delphin Solutions) and then into college where I merged with Jon's company to create DS410 and hired my classmates as interns at my company.
I'm sure there have been plenty of other entrepreneural memories that I can't remember but that's all I've got for now.
It's comforting to know that I'm doing the types of things that other people who have been successful did and, though it doesn't guarentee success for me, it does make me feel good as my struggle continues to build new things and reach new heights. It reminds me of Steve Job's speech at Stanford about connecting the dots looking backwards in your life to see how you got to where you are (One of my favorites...See Here).
"So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever because believing that the dots will connect down the road with give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference."
- Steve Jobs, Founder of Apple
Hopefully this trend continues as I push forward to success. I'll keep you posted. :-)
In the beginning of the book, Tony goes through his childhood and the different entrepreneurial ventures he attempts, from worm farming, to button making, to Christmas card selling. He also tells about his involvement in activities that were out of the norm. I'm sure there will be more great stories ahead (haven't finished the book yet), but even this short list got me thinking about my childhood.
When I read books like this, I often compare myself to the author in an attempt to figure out whether I have the same mentality (which hopefully therefore puts me also on the path to success). This time was no different, except while searching my past for comparable things, I remembered some things I had forgotten.
Even when I was young, I had entrepreneural ambitions. I've always easily recalled the times of having a battle at the lunch table with my friend Jon Corbett over who was going to be more successful in life and the starting of Delphin Solutions and eventually DS410 LLC in college, but I had forgotten about the various things I had done between those memories.
Though I don't remember the age I was at the times, here are some examples of activities I particitated in:
- Walked around my apartment complex to sell gifts out of a catalog
- Made peanut butter balls from a kids cookbook recipe and sold them door to door
- Built my church's website
- Started the trend in middle school with Jon of doing the announcements in the morning over the PA system (Later, everyone wanted a chance to do this so we had to train others)
- Got to skip a full day of school to learn about the lighting board in the theater and be one of the very few people allowed to run it (for performances, etc)
This trend continued into high school, where I tried to start a web design company with classmates (Delphin Solutions) and then into college where I merged with Jon's company to create DS410 and hired my classmates as interns at my company.
I'm sure there have been plenty of other entrepreneural memories that I can't remember but that's all I've got for now.
It's comforting to know that I'm doing the types of things that other people who have been successful did and, though it doesn't guarentee success for me, it does make me feel good as my struggle continues to build new things and reach new heights. It reminds me of Steve Job's speech at Stanford about connecting the dots looking backwards in your life to see how you got to where you are (One of my favorites...See Here).
"So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever because believing that the dots will connect down the road with give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference."
- Steve Jobs, Founder of Apple
Hopefully this trend continues as I push forward to success. I'll keep you posted. :-)
7.09.2010
4.28.2010
Apple (and Steve Jobs) get you EVERY TIME!
Just a quick note on something that is blatantly obvious to me. Every time some new device comes out from Apple, its always a crappy version compared to the version that comes out shortly (within a year or so) after. In some ways, this is to be expected because new technology comes out and the costs of technology go down. But in Apple's case, they seemingly put out dumbed down versions of the device everyone actually wants first and because they're Apple and the devices are so new and sleek looking, everyone wants one. It doesn't help that Apple fan-boys must have every new product the day (or even the day before) it comes out, that they're already willing to pay a premium price for Apple products as they have in the past, and that they seem to think that if they don't get one ASAP, they'll be shunned from society and lose points from their "hipness" factor. These people don't take into account that the technology in the product may be years behind competitors or that a better version is on the horizon if you can wait long enough.
Let me give you some examples:
iPhone - Yes, the iPhone was and still is a really cool piece of technology. When it came out in its original version though , it was only 2G however. This, when most other phones were already 3G! I honestly think they could have made a 3G version right from the get go, but instead they decided not to because they new that the cult would buy it again when the 3G version came out... and some even again when the 3GS came out.
iPad - The iPad is also a really cool product but also makes my point much more clear. The initial version that came out only includes WiFi. Everyone of course had to have it because the cult members (and wanna be cult members) have to have every cool new device. Only thing is that another version, the 3G connected one, was already known to have been slotted for a few months later. I can't believe there was any reason Apple couldn't have come out with the 3G and WiFi version at the same time... It's one extra chip, and they already have experience putting it into smaller versions of their devices. Instead, Apple seemed to double down on its clueless customer following. They knew people who got the WiFi version would love it and want to use it even more (especially for the price tag they paid for it). They also knew that people would realize that it was a much more limited experience without being connected to the internet all the time, thus creating the impetus to need the 3G version even though they just shelled out for the WiFi version full well knowing that the 3G was coming out. Almost everyone I've heard who bought a WiFi version says they're going to go out and buy the 3G version... doubling the profits of Apple.
So, to sum it up... it seems to be part of Apple's business strategy to use the hysteria behind their name to put out crappy versions of new products to coerce people to buy more than one. I'm not saying its a bad business strategy... in fact I think its amazing. But every time they do it, I can't believe how many people fall for it. Fortunately for Apple, I don't see that changing any time soon.
Let me give you some examples:
iPhone - Yes, the iPhone was and still is a really cool piece of technology. When it came out in its original version though , it was only 2G however. This, when most other phones were already 3G! I honestly think they could have made a 3G version right from the get go, but instead they decided not to because they new that the cult would buy it again when the 3G version came out... and some even again when the 3GS came out.
iPad - The iPad is also a really cool product but also makes my point much more clear. The initial version that came out only includes WiFi. Everyone of course had to have it because the cult members (and wanna be cult members) have to have every cool new device. Only thing is that another version, the 3G connected one, was already known to have been slotted for a few months later. I can't believe there was any reason Apple couldn't have come out with the 3G and WiFi version at the same time... It's one extra chip, and they already have experience putting it into smaller versions of their devices. Instead, Apple seemed to double down on its clueless customer following. They knew people who got the WiFi version would love it and want to use it even more (especially for the price tag they paid for it). They also knew that people would realize that it was a much more limited experience without being connected to the internet all the time, thus creating the impetus to need the 3G version even though they just shelled out for the WiFi version full well knowing that the 3G was coming out. Almost everyone I've heard who bought a WiFi version says they're going to go out and buy the 3G version... doubling the profits of Apple.
So, to sum it up... it seems to be part of Apple's business strategy to use the hysteria behind their name to put out crappy versions of new products to coerce people to buy more than one. I'm not saying its a bad business strategy... in fact I think its amazing. But every time they do it, I can't believe how many people fall for it. Fortunately for Apple, I don't see that changing any time soon.
2.18.2010
Priorities... No more maintaining!
There's a great post over at Location180 about setting priorities and making sure those priorities don't go into maintenance mode, causing you to feel like there's things you should be doing that you aren't and ultimately making you feel overwhelmed. Well guess what... that's how I feel!
Here I am in London, wanting to have a good time and enjoy myself, while at the same time feeling bad for not getting things done. The real problem here is that I know I'll only be here a short time longer and therefore I'm trying to do everything I'd like to do (I guess that's the difference between being on vacation somewhere and living somewhere... you don't feel pressured to try to squeeze everything in). The fact that I'm going to Belgium and Germany in the next few days and then to Miami shortly after aren't going to make things any easier.
So, as suggested by Sean, I'm going to decide on my top 3 priorities right now so I know where I stand and can better gauge what I should/will be working on.
Priority 1: Becoming Financially Secure...Again
So since I've stopped working full-time, I've obviously took a pay cut. I have accordingly (other than this trip to Europe) cut my expenses as well. Gone are the random nights (ok, actually not that random considering it happened fairly often) of multiple bottles at the club, calling Paul (limo driver) to come pick us up, and random spending of money. You know what... that's more than okay with me! I was getting kinda bored with it. Now I pay much more attention to what I spend on food, drinks, etc. I feel like its actually a good thing and something I should have had to learn a long time ago but didn't because of the large amounts of money that I spent. I now need to generate enough income every month to pay my bills and live so this is the first priority on my list. Any project that pays me immediate money becomes a #1 priority. There it is cut and dried.
Priority 2: Beautiful Body
If you know me at all, you'll know that I've wanted to have a better body for a long time. You'll also know that I've been fairly bad about working towards it. I used to blame the fact that I worked every day for 8 hours as the reason for it but now I know that was just BS. I am therefore burning into my head (and also writing it down) that getting into shape is my second priority. That doesn't mean I'm going to spend 4 hours in the gym every day or run 20 miles every week. It does, however, mean that I will be attending the gym or doing something physical for at least 1.5 hours a day, 6 days a week. This can be running, blading, playing soccer, going to the gym, etc. It also means that I will be looking for healthy (and still inexpensive) alternatives to the crappy foods that I normally eat. I'm not doing this as a vanity thing (ok, maybe not just a vanity thing anyway). I'm doing it because I'm tired of feeling bad about myself, being uncomfortable about my body (even though I'm really not in that bad shape), and generally missing out of the self-confidence I know I'd have if I was in better shape. Plus summer is coming soon so there's that :-p . So there it is, if I'm not doing something that is making me money immediately, the next thing I'm probably doing is something physical.
Priority 3: Recurring Income Projects (aka business ideas)
Again, the people who know me won't see this as a surprise. I am always working with people on new ideas. Problem is, we get started and then it fizzles out or gets pushed to the back burner. While that may sometimes be a good thing (bad projects get killed), in general, if I commit to something I'd like to know I have the integrity and drive to see it through... Maybe not to the very end, but at least until I can make an informed decision as to whether the project is worth continuing. Currently I have many such projects on my plate... multiple iphone/android/blackberry apps, club connX, GoalDiggr, DreamDigga. I think all these ideas are worth pursuing and need to be putting more time into them so I can decide whether they are worth continuing before I decide to take on more projects. Additionally, any of these could blow up and make money down the road. Therefore, my priority #3 is to get these projects up and running as quickly as possible. The sooner they're done, the sooner there's feedback, the sooner I know whether they're worth something or that I should move on.
So there they are....
1. Becoming Financially Secure...Again (making immediate money)
2. Better Body (getting into shape and being healthier)
3. Recurring Income Project (Sorting/following through on business ideas)
Plan is to judge everything I choose to do against these three priorities and anything that doesn't fall into one of them will be considered "Just for Amusement". And there's always time for amusement... as long as the work get's done.
2.15.2010
I'm Free... and in London!
Well, it’s happened. As of about a month ago, I stopped working full time. I’m not going to go into the details of how right this second but I will say that I’m happy about it. I wanted to do a celebratory post about it on the blog, but decided that it would be more prudent of me to hold off on it as my mother reads my blog and I wasn’t ready to tell her just yet.
Things have very much changed already. I’m actually sitting here in London, writing this post. I decided to travel a bit, especially when I found out that my mom, Kathy, and my sister would be traveling to London for a week. I decided to spend the week with them and then go on to Belgium and Germany to visit friends for about a half week longer after they leave. When I get back, I have about a week and a half in NYC after which I’ll be driving down to Miami and staying there for an undetermined period of time. At a minimum, I’ll be down there for Winter Party and Winter Music Conference, with a visit home in between. That takes care of most of the month of March. Plans for the month of April aren’t completely locked down yet. I may be spending the month around the Mediterranean somewhere with Jon and def end up back in London for a weekend to celebrate one of my friend’s birthday. Quite an exciting next couple of months!
One question you may be asking how I am financing all this, while also paying my rather high rent in NYC and my bills. The answer is a whole bunch of things. I like to break them down by how quickly they’ll give me a money return. On the immediate/short term side, I collect money from my company DS410 by continuing to service the clients that I’ve had. I also continue to try to cultivate new ones, not because I enjoy the IT work but mostly because it provides steady recurring monthly income. I will be working on a helpful blog targeted at helping small businesses with their IT, which can be found at http://www.computernetworkingnewyork.com. Additionally, I also do web and mobile (IPhone, Android, Blackberry) application development. These aren’t as steady but still pay pretty well. In the mid-term side, I work on projects that will not only make money now but also have the potential of making money in the future. I won’t go into details about these projects now but one involves mobile contact management for clubs , another involves building a new form of lead generation service for plastic surgeons, and a third involves a “build your dream” community site that does interviews of people in the entertainment industry focusing on how they made it to where they are. On the long term side, I have my newer company “Goal Diggr”, which still has a lot of work left to do on it. As I work on the different things, I attempt to write a bit about them here.
So far, the experience of being free is very nice. I haven’t been as worried as I thought I would about money (though that may change while I’m here in London considering the horrible exchange rate). Anyway, got to go out to see the sites.
1.04.2010
2010: The Year of Freedom
I've already decided that this year (2010) will be the year of my freedom. In order to do that though, I need to define what freedom means to me and what are measurable metrics to achieve it so here goes...
Freedom Definitions:
- Location Freedom -- The ability to work from anywhere and not be tied to one location
- Financial Freedom -- Earning enough money to easily pay my bills and be able to put a good chunk aside to begin paying back my debt
- Time Freedom -- Being able to work whenever I want and not have to be in the office from 9am sharp to 5pm everyday
- IT Freedom -- At least partially getting out of the IT industry, which I dislike being a part of
Freedom Metrics:
- Location Freedom -- Being able to work from anywhere as long as there is an internet connection. This means not having an office that I have to regularly visit. Having to visit an office once a month would be fine if I am still doing a full time job or client visits are also fine a couple times a month but I should not have to be at a physical location more than 3 times a month at most.
- Financial Freedom -- Earning at least $150k pretax if I'm working full-time or $80k pretax if I'm working for myself only.
- Time Freedom -- The ability to set my own hours and work when I want. Specifically, no starting work at 9am and ending at 5pm. I want the to be able to work when I'm most productive instead of when someone else thinks I should. I want to set my own schedule.
- IT Freedom -- Spending no more than 10% of my time on IT related jobs (system engineering, break/fix issues, etc). More specifically, having my "full-time pursuit" something not IT related. Having my own IT company on the side is permissible as long as I don't spend more than 10% of my time working on it.
Worst-Case Freedom Scenario:
I have quit my full-time job at Mi**S**** (I hate that I can't mention them for fear of being fired). I am work remotely for a full time position that expects me to meet with them physically once a month. They pay me $60k at least and don't care when I work as long as I meet deadlines. This position may be IT related I guess. I have moved somewhere that isn't more than $1500/month for me. I pay out at least $1000 towards my debt while still living comfortably. I am still working on my own company in the background.
Best-Case Freedom Scenario:
I have quit my full-time job at Mi**S****. I work full-time for my own company, which is cash flow positive and earning me $200k/year. I am able to work from anywhere. I'm at about the half-way mark paying off my debt. I have given up my IT company. I am not bound to the 9 to 5 hours of most.
The worst-case scenario doesn't seem that far out of reach.
And when I do accomplish get there, I'll shout for all to hear the great words of Martin Luther King (though he meant it in a different context):
"Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty I'm free at last!"
Freedom Definitions:
- Location Freedom -- The ability to work from anywhere and not be tied to one location
- Financial Freedom -- Earning enough money to easily pay my bills and be able to put a good chunk aside to begin paying back my debt
- Time Freedom -- Being able to work whenever I want and not have to be in the office from 9am sharp to 5pm everyday
- IT Freedom -- At least partially getting out of the IT industry, which I dislike being a part of
Freedom Metrics:
- Location Freedom -- Being able to work from anywhere as long as there is an internet connection. This means not having an office that I have to regularly visit. Having to visit an office once a month would be fine if I am still doing a full time job or client visits are also fine a couple times a month but I should not have to be at a physical location more than 3 times a month at most.
- Financial Freedom -- Earning at least $150k pretax if I'm working full-time or $80k pretax if I'm working for myself only.
- Time Freedom -- The ability to set my own hours and work when I want. Specifically, no starting work at 9am and ending at 5pm. I want the to be able to work when I'm most productive instead of when someone else thinks I should. I want to set my own schedule.
- IT Freedom -- Spending no more than 10% of my time on IT related jobs (system engineering, break/fix issues, etc). More specifically, having my "full-time pursuit" something not IT related. Having my own IT company on the side is permissible as long as I don't spend more than 10% of my time working on it.
Worst-Case Freedom Scenario:
I have quit my full-time job at Mi**S**** (I hate that I can't mention them for fear of being fired). I am work remotely for a full time position that expects me to meet with them physically once a month. They pay me $60k at least and don't care when I work as long as I meet deadlines. This position may be IT related I guess. I have moved somewhere that isn't more than $1500/month for me. I pay out at least $1000 towards my debt while still living comfortably. I am still working on my own company in the background.
Best-Case Freedom Scenario:
I have quit my full-time job at Mi**S****. I work full-time for my own company, which is cash flow positive and earning me $200k/year. I am able to work from anywhere. I'm at about the half-way mark paying off my debt. I have given up my IT company. I am not bound to the 9 to 5 hours of most.
The worst-case scenario doesn't seem that far out of reach.
And when I do accomplish get there, I'll shout for all to hear the great words of Martin Luther King (though he meant it in a different context):
"Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty I'm free at last!"
6.13.2009
The Giving Tree
The Giving Tree (Audio Book) by Shel Silverstein
Once there was a tree...and she loved a little boy.
And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree ... very much.
And the tree was happy.
Front cover
But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time ...and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?"
“I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered, "come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat." said the tree. "Then you can sail away ... and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy ... but not really.
Rear cover
And after a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you, my apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples", said the boy.
"My branches are gone", said the tree. "You cannot swing on them -"
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb -"
"I am too tired to climb," said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree. I wish that I could give you something...but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy,
"Just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could,
"Well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.
Once there was a tree...and she loved a little boy.
And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree ... very much.
And the tree was happy.
Front cover
But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time ...and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?"
“I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered, "come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat." said the tree. "Then you can sail away ... and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy ... but not really.
Rear cover
And after a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you, my apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples", said the boy.
"My branches are gone", said the tree. "You cannot swing on them -"
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb -"
"I am too tired to climb," said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree. I wish that I could give you something...but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy,
"Just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could,
"Well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.
4.24.2009
The Five Laws of Stratospheric Success
For future reference for you and for me, the following are the 5 Laws of Stratospheric Success from the book, The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. I believe the laws themselves are quite powerful but it the understanding of them gotten from the book that really brings out the results, so go get the book!
The Law of Value:
Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.
The Law of Compensation:
Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.
The Law of Influence:
Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interests first.
The Law of Authenticity:
The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.
The Law of Receptivity:
The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.
The Law of Value:
Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.
The Law of Compensation:
Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.
The Law of Influence:
Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interests first.
The Law of Authenticity:
The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.
The Law of Receptivity:
The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.
4.13.2009
Who's there...
Its normally very easy for people to identify and help correct problems in other's lives... to be there when they ask for help. Its not so often that we're able to see our own problems. Now, I'm not gonna say that I can see all mine but I certainly feel like I've had a major revelation about them... and its really REALLY not looking good...
To be completely honest, I see now what I'm doing and know why I'm doing it and I just can't stop...
I hide... whether its by partying, or saying I have too much work (I do have a lot of work), or sleeping, or watching tv... or try to fix other people's issues and problems... I'm hiding.... hiding from what I feel I'm supposed to be doing... what I'm supposed to become... hiding from fixing myself...and I can't stop it. ... I am horribly horribly broken...
Everyday I wake up and say I want to make a difference... I want to do something amazing today... every day... and then something happens or I put it off or and I just don't do it... and then I say tomorrow...
The thing is, its always tomorrow... I'm NOT lazy... I want so much to do things, to be someone... but every day goes by and I've done nothing meaningful... and thats just the half of it...
At night I beat myself up... I get upset at myself for not doing anything... horribly beat myself up... there's only so many times you can say next time until you stop believing it yourself... I think I'm there. The thing is, I can't give up... so it turns into an endless cycle of trying to do something, not doing things, and then beating myself up for it. I honestly don't know how much longer I can take it...
And the thing is, I honestly don't think you could tell all this was going on if you knew me... but I know... I'm tired... tired of trying and failing, tired of not trying and beating myself up... tired of pushing people away because I have to "work"... On the outside I seem happy and fun and caring and successful... but on the inside I'm dying... really dying... and I don't know what to do. I can hide from everything... but I can't hide from myself, from the thoughts of how much of a failure I am... and how much more of one I'm becoming. I don't know how to fix this... I think it may be too late... but there's no reset button on life... there's just the end... and I can feel it coming... I may even hope its coming. And the worst part of it all is... in 10 minutes my disguise will come back and everything will of a sudden "be ok". Back into hiding... Well at least I've gotten it out... somewhere.
I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
But I’m not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
I’m left with no shoulder
But everyone wants to lean on me.
I guess I’m their soldier.
Well, who’s gonna be mine
Who’s there to save the hero
When he’s left all alone
And he’s crying out for help.
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the boy…
After he saves the world
After he saves the world.
I bottle all my hurt inside,
I guess I’m living a lie.
Inside my mind each day I die
What can bring me back to life?
A simple word, a gesture
Someone to say you’re beautiful
Come find this buried treasure
Rainbows lead to a pot of gold.
Who’s there to save the hero
When he’s left all alone
And he’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the boy
After he saves the world…
After he saves the world.
I’ve given too much of myself
And now it’s driving me crazy
(I’m crying out for help?
Sometimes I wish someone would
Just come here and save me…
Save me from myself
Who’s there to save the hero
When he’s left all alone
And he’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the boy
After he saves the world…
After he saves the world.
To be completely honest, I see now what I'm doing and know why I'm doing it and I just can't stop...
I hide... whether its by partying, or saying I have too much work (I do have a lot of work), or sleeping, or watching tv... or try to fix other people's issues and problems... I'm hiding.... hiding from what I feel I'm supposed to be doing... what I'm supposed to become... hiding from fixing myself...and I can't stop it. ... I am horribly horribly broken...
Everyday I wake up and say I want to make a difference... I want to do something amazing today... every day... and then something happens or I put it off or and I just don't do it... and then I say tomorrow...
The thing is, its always tomorrow... I'm NOT lazy... I want so much to do things, to be someone... but every day goes by and I've done nothing meaningful... and thats just the half of it...
At night I beat myself up... I get upset at myself for not doing anything... horribly beat myself up... there's only so many times you can say next time until you stop believing it yourself... I think I'm there. The thing is, I can't give up... so it turns into an endless cycle of trying to do something, not doing things, and then beating myself up for it. I honestly don't know how much longer I can take it...
And the thing is, I honestly don't think you could tell all this was going on if you knew me... but I know... I'm tired... tired of trying and failing, tired of not trying and beating myself up... tired of pushing people away because I have to "work"... On the outside I seem happy and fun and caring and successful... but on the inside I'm dying... really dying... and I don't know what to do. I can hide from everything... but I can't hide from myself, from the thoughts of how much of a failure I am... and how much more of one I'm becoming. I don't know how to fix this... I think it may be too late... but there's no reset button on life... there's just the end... and I can feel it coming... I may even hope its coming. And the worst part of it all is... in 10 minutes my disguise will come back and everything will of a sudden "be ok". Back into hiding... Well at least I've gotten it out... somewhere.
I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
But I’m not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
I’m left with no shoulder
But everyone wants to lean on me.
I guess I’m their soldier.
Well, who’s gonna be mine
Who’s there to save the hero
When he’s left all alone
And he’s crying out for help.
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the boy…
After he saves the world
After he saves the world.
I bottle all my hurt inside,
I guess I’m living a lie.
Inside my mind each day I die
What can bring me back to life?
A simple word, a gesture
Someone to say you’re beautiful
Come find this buried treasure
Rainbows lead to a pot of gold.
Who’s there to save the hero
When he’s left all alone
And he’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the boy
After he saves the world…
After he saves the world.
I’ve given too much of myself
And now it’s driving me crazy
(I’m crying out for help?
Sometimes I wish someone would
Just come here and save me…
Save me from myself
Who’s there to save the hero
When he’s left all alone
And he’s crying out for help
Who’s there to save the hero
Who’s there to save the boy
After he saves the world…
After he saves the world.
3.19.2009
The Absolute Truth...
This post is directed at someone... that person will probably never see it because we're not speaking right now and I don't think he knows about this blog. I just wanted to capture and make public how I feel about him.
This is to him...
This is to him...
On the most recent episode of House MD, there was a patient who could only tell the truth due to a condition. I wish I had that condition and that you were around because if I did, I'd tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you and how much of a mistake it was to do what I did and how I'm scared that I'll never ever find someone like you who treated me so well again, ever... and how amazed I am of you and what you've accomplished and where you're going... and how much I want you back even though you've moved on... and you'd have to believe me because I wouldn't be able to lie and you'd know for sure just how much I love you.
3.18.2009
Remembering Miami...
So... This blog entry is mostly for me... not so much for readers (unless you were there with me)... I aim to capture as much as I can from the trip and afterwards so that I can come back and remember it. Some things may seem cryptic to readers, mostly because I want to remember them but don't want you to know the specific details...
Went to Miami beach from Feb 26th through March 15th... was there with Brandon Propst (the Gay Dragon)... daily schedule was wake up, beach, drink, beach, bar, eat a bit, drag show or other activity, home to change for going out, bar/club til 4am or later, home to pass out... start again.
This schedule started after the winter party and ended the day before I left. The Winter Party itself was a lot of fun... saw Chris Ryan and group, Dane (my ex-roommate), and soccer buddies. Met some new people Shane and Kevin.... Present from Dragon on Table... TOO MUCH!... Had fun watching the fire spinners at discotekka, at pool party, at HOT Park West with Brian and dancing under the sun next to Ajuna's replacement to Gravity and Halo remixes.
After Winter Party was over, it got a bit quieter (minus the daily morning wake up calls). Showtunes duets! Came out to Tickle Lady for dragon, extra money for him. Brandon and I established ourselves as semi-perminent residents at Palace bar and started hanging with Enrique and Nelson (bartenders there). SHOTS (spin the fingers)! We moved up from cups of alcohol to pitchers of alcohol (with lots of straws and cherries in them), and shots in between. Canadian avoidence. Drunken laptop shopping!
Omer came into town to stay with us... hawse hawse hawse... he was on the hunt from the very beginning... and though initially he wasn't satsified with the crowd, he managed to find some people to entertain him. Our trips to Palace continued after beach vists... we also met up with Danny (from NYC who had moved down there) and went to Buck 15 on thurs (where we started cut the line using $20)... Canadian fortune telling and me on the couch... and Living Room in Ft. Lauderdale on the next day... bad experience driving back but made it... Jon came into town... and joined us at Discotekka, where we got bottle service in our own VIP section (away from the other VIPers and down near the dance floor)... they had run out of VIP space and we made them create our own. Had an amazing time... it was the Britney Spears after-party. We loved the music, minus the fog horn blasts. THIS... IS.... MIAMI!!!!! Thank you Dragon for saving the night and me from HSBC. :-)
The week started again on Sunday and we resumed our normal routine. Omer and Jon gone. Met on the beach with Charlie, Mike, Anthony (kitty litter) and Tits and spent the rest of the time mostly with them. Dave and his boy Kurt showed up mid-week and we had fun with them too... showed him what Rush could be like HOT ASS CONTEST WON BY DRAGON.... Chicken fights...brandon horizontal, the haha game... football distance and left handed... Palace and personal bathroom in surf shop.... REALLY GUYS?, REALLY? ... Anthony with bartender at Twist. Tits last night at Score and me ANGRY...Discussion with Dragon about past... Diego met on the beach... Outback... paraho, parabaho, encentro, inventro, Too loud and business card on door... Twist... Magic tricks (beer, then bottle) VIP at Twist... $100 for random Halo on tab close... diego fiasco... Dragon unhappy and trashed.
Normal schedule... Tits gone, Cynthia arrives... Kumar found on beach, Enzo on beach, Ultimate frisbee turns into two-hand touch. Our own drag show from Nelson... FIREWORKS!!!... Robbie and Joe arrive... no buck 15 for them, met southern boy... VIP entry and bottle service for us (Grey Goose and Kettle)! Upside down dancing from the ceiling... Dragon on Cynthia and her on Dragon... Upside down slip, fall, handstand, so HA.... LOSE Kumar, WHOHOO! Twist, $125 tip for future Halo play to Karlos.
Friday, beach, plunger, Robbie and Joe... hookah, Doctors from England...Palace... Uppo, Downo, Outo, inno! ...drag show with Marilyn Manson with Nipples, Danny late... My Prediction... Danny rolling drop off... HIT AND RUN... MAJOR FIGHT WITH THE DRAGON, can't talk or move, Dragon almost Zacked!Score... little by little, Dragon on the side, twist, almost Halo, Dragon upset and trashed, Charlie brings him home. Concerned and sprint down washington and ocean, Dragon OK.
Saturday, No alcohol... Jet skiing with Robbie and (thank you Dragon!) ball breaking and ass pounding, 5 feet vertical, nice houses on island, statue, kids birthday party, switch postions... bad sandwiches... beach, limo and club arrangments, drag show at Palace, American Apparel and tickle request by me... Home, quick change, uppo downno outto inno drunko limo clubo gonoooooo :)... uppo downno outto inno ditto brando :)... back at palace, everyone late... Danny non-existant... Limo pickup (excursion)... PARTY!!! Loop around club... Arrive at Discotekka, MAJOR PROBLEMS, paid off everyone to finally get it right... but can't let stress go... can't let stress go, no roll, nelson and bf pick up by limo... limo flat, robbie and joe home in stretch towncar, Hummer Limo arrives, got til 6.... "take care of the dragon for me"... dragon danceing, party til 5... drop off everyone... just dragon and me.
Beach with drink, talking, poems in arms (If, Success, starfish-"It made a difference for that one.")... Halo, Ave Maria, sunrise, home to sleep. Robbie and Joe gone... Dragon and I on beach, no drinks just talk... tell me something interesting... Chick flicks...The Notebook... "I think this will happen again"... rush to pack, find a taxi with Brit....goodbye :-( ... plane with space shuttle launch, turbulence.
Next night, wakeup, last Miami Halo (whole song)... Thank you Dragon... miss you and Miami...
I have never had an experience like this one in Miami, shared payment and closeness. Blown away by it and the understanding of why by both... glimmers, "This is to have succeeded"... I appreciate that time I've had with the Dragon and hope/believe we'll have it again some time in the future. Will be happy to see the Dragon next Sunday/Monday.
I have left parts of this out and as they come to me, I will add them in another color.
If you're friends with me on FB, Check out my pictures and vids from my profile during the trip dates. Wish I could post them all here but there are too many... may be able to do it later.
Went to Miami beach from Feb 26th through March 15th... was there with Brandon Propst (the Gay Dragon)... daily schedule was wake up, beach, drink, beach, bar, eat a bit, drag show or other activity, home to change for going out, bar/club til 4am or later, home to pass out... start again.
This schedule started after the winter party and ended the day before I left. The Winter Party itself was a lot of fun... saw Chris Ryan and group, Dane (my ex-roommate), and soccer buddies. Met some new people Shane and Kevin.... Present from Dragon on Table... TOO MUCH!... Had fun watching the fire spinners at discotekka, at pool party, at HOT Park West with Brian and dancing under the sun next to Ajuna's replacement to Gravity and Halo remixes.
After Winter Party was over, it got a bit quieter (minus the daily morning wake up calls). Showtunes duets! Came out to Tickle Lady for dragon, extra money for him. Brandon and I established ourselves as semi-perminent residents at Palace bar and started hanging with Enrique and Nelson (bartenders there). SHOTS (spin the fingers)! We moved up from cups of alcohol to pitchers of alcohol (with lots of straws and cherries in them), and shots in between. Canadian avoidence. Drunken laptop shopping!
Omer came into town to stay with us... hawse hawse hawse... he was on the hunt from the very beginning... and though initially he wasn't satsified with the crowd, he managed to find some people to entertain him. Our trips to Palace continued after beach vists... we also met up with Danny (from NYC who had moved down there) and went to Buck 15 on thurs (where we started cut the line using $20)... Canadian fortune telling and me on the couch... and Living Room in Ft. Lauderdale on the next day... bad experience driving back but made it... Jon came into town... and joined us at Discotekka, where we got bottle service in our own VIP section (away from the other VIPers and down near the dance floor)... they had run out of VIP space and we made them create our own. Had an amazing time... it was the Britney Spears after-party. We loved the music, minus the fog horn blasts. THIS... IS.... MIAMI!!!!! Thank you Dragon for saving the night and me from HSBC. :-)
The week started again on Sunday and we resumed our normal routine. Omer and Jon gone. Met on the beach with Charlie, Mike, Anthony (kitty litter) and Tits and spent the rest of the time mostly with them. Dave and his boy Kurt showed up mid-week and we had fun with them too... showed him what Rush could be like HOT ASS CONTEST WON BY DRAGON.... Chicken fights...brandon horizontal, the haha game... football distance and left handed... Palace and personal bathroom in surf shop.... REALLY GUYS?, REALLY? ... Anthony with bartender at Twist. Tits last night at Score and me ANGRY...Discussion with Dragon about past... Diego met on the beach... Outback... paraho, parabaho, encentro, inventro, Too loud and business card on door... Twist... Magic tricks (beer, then bottle) VIP at Twist... $100 for random Halo on tab close... diego fiasco... Dragon unhappy and trashed.
Normal schedule... Tits gone, Cynthia arrives... Kumar found on beach, Enzo on beach, Ultimate frisbee turns into two-hand touch. Our own drag show from Nelson... FIREWORKS!!!... Robbie and Joe arrive... no buck 15 for them, met southern boy... VIP entry and bottle service for us (Grey Goose and Kettle)! Upside down dancing from the ceiling... Dragon on Cynthia and her on Dragon... Upside down slip, fall, handstand, so HA.... LOSE Kumar, WHOHOO! Twist, $125 tip for future Halo play to Karlos.
Friday, beach, plunger, Robbie and Joe... hookah, Doctors from England...Palace... Uppo, Downo, Outo, inno! ...drag show with Marilyn Manson with Nipples, Danny late... My Prediction... Danny rolling drop off... HIT AND RUN... MAJOR FIGHT WITH THE DRAGON, can't talk or move, Dragon almost Zacked!Score... little by little, Dragon on the side, twist, almost Halo, Dragon upset and trashed, Charlie brings him home. Concerned and sprint down washington and ocean, Dragon OK.
Saturday, No alcohol... Jet skiing with Robbie and (thank you Dragon!) ball breaking and ass pounding, 5 feet vertical, nice houses on island, statue, kids birthday party, switch postions... bad sandwiches... beach, limo and club arrangments, drag show at Palace, American Apparel and tickle request by me... Home, quick change, uppo downno outto inno drunko limo clubo gonoooooo :)... uppo downno outto inno ditto brando :)... back at palace, everyone late... Danny non-existant... Limo pickup (excursion)... PARTY!!! Loop around club... Arrive at Discotekka, MAJOR PROBLEMS, paid off everyone to finally get it right... but can't let stress go... can't let stress go, no roll, nelson and bf pick up by limo... limo flat, robbie and joe home in stretch towncar, Hummer Limo arrives, got til 6.... "take care of the dragon for me"... dragon danceing, party til 5... drop off everyone... just dragon and me.
Beach with drink, talking, poems in arms (If, Success, starfish-"It made a difference for that one.")... Halo, Ave Maria, sunrise, home to sleep. Robbie and Joe gone... Dragon and I on beach, no drinks just talk... tell me something interesting... Chick flicks...The Notebook... "I think this will happen again"... rush to pack, find a taxi with Brit....goodbye :-( ... plane with space shuttle launch, turbulence.
Next night, wakeup, last Miami Halo (whole song)... Thank you Dragon... miss you and Miami...
I have never had an experience like this one in Miami, shared payment and closeness. Blown away by it and the understanding of why by both... glimmers, "This is to have succeeded"... I appreciate that time I've had with the Dragon and hope/believe we'll have it again some time in the future. Will be happy to see the Dragon next Sunday/Monday.
I have left parts of this out and as they come to me, I will add them in another color.
If you're friends with me on FB, Check out my pictures and vids from my profile during the trip dates. Wish I could post them all here but there are too many... may be able to do it later.
2.06.2009
The Winner Stands Alone
Just read a great and inspiring quote from Paulo Coelho's new book, "The Winner Stands Alone". Check out the full book which he is posting chapter by chapter in his blog at http://paulocoelhoblog.com/
‘Do you know anything about frogs?’
‘Frogs?’
‘Yes, various biological studies have shown that if a frog is placed in a container along with water from its own pond, it will remain there, utterly still, while the water is slowly heated up. The frog doesn’t react to the gradual increase in temperature, to the changes in its environment, and when the water reaches boiling point, the frog dies, fat and happy.
‘On the other hand, if a frog is thrown into a container full of already boiling water, it will jump straight out again, scalded, but alive!’
Olivia doesn’t quite see what this has to do with the destruction of the world. Igor goes on:
‘I was like that boiled frog. I didn’t notice the changes. I thought everything was fine, that the bad things would just go away, that it was just a matter of time. I was ready to die because I lost the most important thing in my life but, instead of reacting, I sat there bobbing apathetically about in water that was getting hotter by the minute.’
Olivia plucks up the courage to ask:
‘What did you lose?’
‘The truth is I didn’t lose anything. Life sometimes separates people so that they can realise how much they mean to each other. For example, last night, I saw my wife with another man. I know she wants to come back to me, that she still loves me, but she’s not brave enough to take the first step. Some boiled frogs still think it’s obedience that counts, not ability: those who can, lead, and those with any sense, obey. So where’s the truth in all this? It’s better to emerge from a situation slightly scalded, but alive and ready to act.'
WoW, Google Latitude, and Life
My WoW character Shlaric (level 18 Night Elf Druid)
Video Blog Notes:
World of Warcraft
- Highly addictive
- So many places to visit
- So many things to do
- level
- quests (of different types)
- dungeons
- PvP
- Expansions
- Achievements
- Talents
- Professions
- And then you get to do it all over again but completely differently!
Latitude
- Now on Google Latitude --> buddyboy2006@gmail.com
Life
- Working a lot... must get out of IT... can't stand dealing with peoples problems all day
- Update on drinking ban date
- Been going to the gym... not as much as I'd like but still losing fat
- Run 3K per day and swim
- FundMii work --> Http://www.fundmii.com
- Put Impaytient on hold
Interesting Idea
- Utility that creates easy table of context and index of Video
1.24.2009
1.18.2009
Resolution: 1 Month Ban on Drinking
Just a quick post...I have come to the realization that drinking causes many of my problems and results in me being generally unhappy. In an effort to complete FundMii and get it launched as well as to be generally happier, I have decided the following:
I will not drink from this point until February 27th, 2009 (the day I go on vacation to Miami).
I expect that this decision will cause me to be more productive, allow me to save money, and be a generally happier person.
That is all!
1.12.2009
Video Post #3
Video blog #3
Topic:
- Find video much easier than typing.. can get it done much faster but...
- unindexable or unreliably indexed
- have to watch the whole video to find out what I say and can't easily skim
- Problem with ideas like seesmic --> have to do things in someone elses time
- Monitization problems for companies and sites like youtube--> can't target ads well
- example of bad placement
- Tagging is current method but is no good (some companies do manual tagging)
- Used to think that solution was audio indexing with speech to text technology but not so much anymore
- What's really needed is Object recognition and intention recognition so we know what things are, what the point of the video is, and what the tone of the actions in the video are in relation to each object --> long time coming
- even when the semantic web comes about, video will still be a problem
- person who cracks video has a lot of opportunity or at least a good job waiting for them at sites like youtube
- Will post notes from now on
Personal Update:
- Weekend--> lost one debit card, broke another, can't touch my business acct because thats where the rent is coming from --> interesting situation
- Haven't slept cause I couldn't fall asleep
- Feel like I'm getting a lot done
- joe's coming tomorrow at 7AM and I have off tues thru thurs though I might have to do a small amount of work on wed
- Fought with joe... don't feel good about him... been having nightmares about making the wrong decision but need to get over that
- Began work on fundmii... will have template mostly done before I got to work today
- started keeping a list of blog topics (video wasn't on the list but became the topic when I started writing these notes)
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