This is going to sound cocky but its not meant to be... You know what I realized?!? I've got it all! I'm attractive, intelligent, entrepreneurial, I make amazing money for my age (or any age for that matter), I have my own beautiful apartment in Manhattan, family, I have friends of various levels that I can rely on (Tom, Ken, Hayden, Brandon, Jake, Jonathan, Marc, too many more to list), I have businesses that truely rely on me, I throw parties, I'm compassionate, I'm caring, lucky and I will offer someone amazing all the amazing things I have to give somewhere down the road. It could be someone I've already met or someone right around the next turn but I know he's there, moving through life day by day just like me and at some point, our life paths will cross and come together as one. I'm thankful for knowing that, the time that I have before that to become the absolute best me I can be and accomplish all my dreams, and the time after that when I'll have someone truely special to share my accomplishments with and to love and to be completely appreciated by.
I recognize my sadness in being back in NYC and my worry about losing who I was in Miami and realize that I've become hooked on Zack... but its not really Zack that I want at least not the current form of him... Its the concept of him... some attractive, intelligent, caring guy... and Zack doesn't meet the specs yet. Yes, my emotions have become entangled with my lust for him, being enamored with the happiness experienced in Miami, and feeling blessed by life but in actuality they are all separate things that I have mentally rolled together into the Zack of my thoughts. I've done the same thing with guys of the past, Joe Chiera, Victor, Brandon Propst, Brandon Hucks... the list goes on. I don't want someone who needs to be "kept"... there can be a disparity in money but I want someone who will appreciate everything I do for them and do the same back for me to the best of their resources. Right now, Zack is at a "kept" stage in life... living off other people for close to free as I've found many people do. I can't live like that... not on either end of it... the keeper or the keepee.
I'm glad I didn't give it all up. Life has truely set me up to be successful... I truely already am (but that doesn't mean I should stop working at it ;-) ). I used to believe that the best period of my life was during high school at Master's. Though I can look back now and still truely appreciate that time, these past couple months have trumped that. Its a matter of personal growth... every day, I feel like more of life's hidden truths are being exposed to me and with the new knowledge, I feel myself grow.
I am truely happy.