My First Video Post

First YouTube Video

Ok... so I'm dead tired and I just finished playing Monopoly against Ajuna, Amanda, and Josh, but I wanted to get this out there before I forget. This evening (sat night), I spent several hours with Jonathan Ledee (one of my friends and the main character of the video) and Ajuna putting together this this video. We did muliple takes from various angles and then edited it together with Adobe Premier and since I had never really used that software before, it may have taken a little longer than it should have. Still, I'm very proud of the finished product! It's posted to Facebook and YouTube. There are plenty of outtakes (which aren't posted) and we had a really good time doing it...
And that's the thing... I, myself, had a REALLY good time doing it... its wierd and a little tedious at times during the editing but I never felt bored by the process... I had fun the whole time! It makes me think about that saying, "If you like what you do, you'll never work a day in your life". Well I can't remember the last time I had so much fun while also doing something that I thought was creative and cool. We're hoping it gets a whole bunch of views (we're shooting for millions but who knows ;-) ) but even if it doesn't, I enjoyed the process of making it so much that it doesn't even matter.
I honestly don't know what this means on the larger scale for me... Is this the way you're job is supposed to feel about the things you do for work and in life? I know I hate IT and want to get out of it as soon as possible... I want to feel like I did today every time I go to work. At least I now know what its like.
On a side note, I know I wasn't actually in this video so I am not as out there as I'd like to be (referring to the last post) but at the same time, it certainly was a step in the right direction... and I'll be in some of the future videos we plan to do. Anyway, YouTube view count currently stands at 15 so we'll see where it is when I wake up.

Getting it all out there and taking the first step!

I don't know how to do this. Let me just start by saying that... I want to know... I know I need to know, but I don't... so I'm just going to try and THIS post will be the first step. By "this", I mean being straight forward and myself and out in the open without worrying about what others think, about the potential relationships I may ruin, about the fact that if I don't wait and save my "best" idea for the investors and connections I have, it will be a wasted opportunity and I'll never be able to go back to them again with another one because they won't look at me the same.... Basically, I need to rid myself of my fear of failure and open myself up to being creative, different, and a little against the grain. A combinations of things that I've been reading/listening to have brought me to this conclusion, but it is not one that I haven't come to before. I AM CAPABLE OF ANYTHING but more importantly, I AM THE ONLY PERSON HOLDING MYSELF BACK. Not only is it a fear of failure but it is also a fear of losing everything I have so far. I have often said... and many of my close friends will agree with me... that I need stability, that I strive for it. According to Seth Godin's recent book "Tribes", that exactly what society has trained me to want and its exactly what's holding me back.

I think about myself and compare myself to my best friend Jon and I always get caught up with how creative he is and how doesn't just settle for what he knows he can get... he pushes the envelope and asks for more. A perfect example of this is when it comes to getting paid... whereas, I might want $100/hr, if a job came along that offered me $85/hr, I'd probably just take it... I wouldn't even try to negotiate them up for fear of losing the job. Jon, in the same situation, would tell the recruiter to go fuck themselves unless they can do $100/hr. I've looked at this and other such situations in the past and said its stupid of him to do that and that doing things like that is taking unnecessary risks and yet more often than not he get what he asks for and I'm left wishing that I had done things the same way. That's not to say that everything that he has tried has worked... he doesn't get the first job that comes and he has failed in some of his projects (such as when he wanted the AMEX Platinum card, got it by using Paypal to make it look like he was increasing his spending each month until they gave it to him, and then lost it and all his other AMEX cards when they figured out what he had done). At the same time, the vast majority of things that he tries for succeed and if you don't try, you never succeed. In the past, I've always started a project and then got side-tracked by a different project or some other event in my life, which I would then blame for the reason why the original project wouldn't succeed. Additionally, I'll procrastinate and put off doing some aspect of a project In actuality, what I'm doing is the same thing I did through all of college... I was afraid of failure so I didn't try. When I failed, I was then able to say that it had been my choice because I hadn't given it my all. If you know me at all, you know that I like technology and new ideas, follow web 2.0 and social media news avidly and pride myself on knowing things that most people don't... and yet I have NEVER posted a video of myself on the Internet, I'm afraid of using web cams and don't like when people take pictures because than people might see me and judge me, i'm uncomfortable talking on the phone with people and prefer to use txt messages and even voice mails unless there is a specific reason for my call even with people that I'm supposed to be intimate (father, person I'm dating, close friends). I've been so afraid of losing the image and the person that I spent so much effort to build that refrain from doing anything that I don't have complete control over. I guess it comes down to a matter of confidence, which is silly because I have no reason not to be confident. I am only 24 and between everything I do (including the consulting company I started and built) I make ~$150K/year. I live by myself (but have friends over frequently) in a luxury, doorman, circle and fountain in front, indoor pool, hot tub and gym apartment building that costs $3200/month with a balcony and window view of most of Manhattan, the Hudson river, and New Jersey. I regularly blow on average between $400 and $800 (my all time high was $1800 in one night) per week on bottle service and champagne with my friends and whoever I find attractive out at my favorite clubs. I take taxis everywhere even though I have a monthly metrocard and I buy anything that I really want within reason. I order out every night and frequently go to semi-expensive restaurants (and sometimes REALLY expensive restaurants... The Four Seasons) and pay for others. WHAT IS THERE NOT TO BE CONFIDENT ABOUT? By most peoples standards, especially those at my age, I live VERY well.

The problem is, I'm not happy with it. Its not just about the money... its about doing and being who I want to be. I can't stay where I am in my life and I don't want to. I want more and the only person holding me back from getting it is me. So this is it... this is the point at which I turn change and start openly pursuing what I truly want next. This is the first step...

I was reading an article off LifeHack called 6 Simple Steps to Make Progress Towards Achieving Your Goals and a thought came to my head. The article suggests multiple things, all of which I've read/heard before from places like Oprah's commencement speech at Stanford or Anthony Robbins Personal Power tapes or even from David Allen's book Getting Things Done. Each time I've read them, I've followed through on the exercises and suggestions and done them but only by myself and never out the open. I imagine this is because if I set my goals and tell people about them and then don't follow through, I'll be a failure (which we've already established I'm afraid of becoming) so I thought that this time, in an effort to be open and get myself away from the bad habit of thinking that way, I'll post here what my what the expectations are for myself by the end of 2009. I may not achieve them all but I'm not going to be afraid of failure anymore.

Where I Will Be in Life in 1 years Time :
I want a two bedroom penthouse apartment in the building I currently live in with a south facing wrap around balcony or one of the very large balconies on which I will put my own personal outdoor hot tub and use for parties. The apartment will be fully furnished with modern furniture. The master bedroom will have among other things, my current bed and a comfortable armchair by the windows to sit and read. The room will have its own 42inch or bigger flat panel TV mounted on the wall (and linked into my home network) and a Bose lifestyle system professionally installed. The second bedroom will be used as my home office, with my desk and computer set up, my home server set up (web server/media server), a futon/sofa bed for when my friends stay over, and a white board. My living room will have a nice corner couch and an armchair to sit in (perhaps the couch I already have), its own large flat panel TV system (linked into my home network), a Bose lifestyle sound system that can link with the one in the bedroom. On one of the walls I will have an framed original, custom made Joe Phillips cartoon that I had commissioned. There will also be a fully stocked fish tank. The kitchen will have a wine rack full of my favorite bottles of wine and champagne and a cappuccino maker. I will have a fully stocked bar and fridge with all different types of alcohol and drinks. In the garage downstairs, I will keep my BMW for the occasions when I want to go for a drive.

When it comes to where I work and what I do, I will not be doing IT consulting anymore. I will have given up my personal IT company and quit my full time job. I will have the flexibility to work from anywhere, but will spend most of my time in my new company's office or my home office. I will wake up early in the mornings, go to the gym so that I'm in great shape, have my cup of coffee and be excited to get to work so I can continue with my ideas. Some weekends, I'll make it a long weekend and take random trips to Miami, San Fransisco, or other places with friends but I'll always be excited to come back to keep working. I'll be well into paying off my student loans and other debt and be saving a bit more.


So there you have it. That's what I want next. I know it may sound like a lot and that I may sound like a brat but that's my next step... the next level I'd like to be at. So what's it gonna take? Not even millions... I'd say about $150K more than what I make now and a successful new venture of my own. Now, I may not make it to this in a year or even true but it doesn't seem so outlandish anymore now that I actually think about it and you'll all know if I fail because you'll see it here on this blog... but I won't, at least not in the long run. I am Dan Delphin after all, and there's nothing wrong with that... in fact, quite the opposite! I'm done being afraid and ready to get started!

The Four Seasons Restaurant

So last night, i want to the Four Seasons Restaurant on the upper east side with Joe (the guy i'm seeing). It was quite the dinner. We ate in the Pool Room and received several complimentary dishes, including the cloud of cotton candy seen in the picture. I also tried white truffles for the first time and can now safely say that they taste like nothing and aren't worth their high price. I also found my new favorite wine... Its an Australian Shiraz: Clarendon Hills Shiraz Liandra 2003. Now i'm not really a wine critic but i've never tasted anything like this before. I'm going to look to buy some bottles for home! Overall, a very good night.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Norton... YOU AND I ARE DONE!

Quick post about something that is really pissing me off... A couple months ago, I bought a brand new top of the line HP desktop. It came with a trial Norton Internet Security (an anti-virus/anti-spyware suite). Everything was fine and dandy for the first little while. I had no viruses and it did scans every so often to remove any potential spy-ware. Then it happened... my trial ran out and Norton began to become annoying... not just annoying... MORE THAN ANNOYING. Instead of letting me know when I start up my computer that my subscription expired and that my computer was not protected, it reminded me continuously... and when I say continuously, I mean every 15 minutes. This reminder involved getting a balloon pop-up that would be put on top of all my other windows.

Now that was annoying by itself, but then, in between the balloon pop-ups, I got the window pop-ups that I couldn't minimize and that I couldn't put other windows on top of... in other words... it blocked my view of the screen unless I dragged it off the screen to the side or clicked OK. There was NO getting rid of this thing.

If I should happen to click okay, it would whisk me away to the site where I could pay $50 to renew for a year. If I didn't follow through with the purchase, it would continue bothering me every 15 minutes no matter what I was doing, often interupting a TV show or movie. This went on for a good 3 weeks or so.

Finally, tonight, I've had it! I'm done. I refuse to be bullied into buying the update and as there was no way to turn the reminders off, I'm through with Norton (and Symantec). I'd rather pay more money to get a different virus scanner than give my money to a company that would annoy or scare most normal computer users into paying. So I bought Trend Micro Anti-virus/Anti-Spyware software directly from their website... downloaded and installed it... Let me tell you... nothing made me happier than clicking the YES button here!

I'll never use Norton again and will recommend to my clients to not do so either. It's Trend from here on out!

My Future Palo Alto Office

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

My Favorite Mistake

Sooooo... I have decided to let Zack and Alex stay with me while they get on their feet. That's all it is... the SHORT opportunity for them to get on their feet. Why you may ask? Well for those of you who know me at all, you'll already know... Even though I'm pretty much forfeiting any possibility of my end goal. Justin is gonna prob be pissed... But I guess that's what I get/deserve and you know what... I only slightly care. Its about time I do what I want, even if its bound to hurt me in the long run... And I KNOW it will.

I have always felt that people who are more fortunate should help those who aren't. Granted, there's more driving this decision than that... There's friendship, caring, and ... I'd love to come out of this experience better off... Happier... More stable in life and maybe, hopefully (though prob not) I will. If not, at least I made an attempt... I tried to make someones... two people's... lives better... I'll have given them a chance to make something of themselves at my expense... You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Its up to them now.

The best I can hope for is...
"to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition"

Or maybe... Just maybe... This is all in vain... And I'm LOST.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

In the darkness of terror, this poem provides a twinkle of hope

I'd almost forgotten about this poem until an old friend reminded me that I had part of it in my Facebook profile... so here it is in its entirety. For me, it reminds me that life is full of difficulties, inspires me to recognize and conquer them, and helps me to feel proud of who/what I am today even if I'm not where I want to be yet.

If - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Blading down 43rd and 9th

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Blading down 43rd and 9th

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Why is RadioShack still alive?

Honestly, I really don't get this. Why is this company still around? They don't do anything special. They seem to try to be a mix of everything, from selling cell phones to computers to video game systems to electronic components and they just suck at it all. They never have anything your looking for because they've spread their product lines so wide they only have the bare minimum of everything, or the product is just stupid. Take the picture as an example. Honestly, they either need to retool or throw in the towel!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

So here I am...

And I find it kind funny, I find it kinda sad... these dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...

Why is it that we are lured in by beauty? We let ourselves get roped in and we open ourselves up and we learn about the other and the more we learn, the more we like and the more we get sucked in until there is no escape... like an asteroid caught in the suns gravity, we're too close... but the strange thing... the thing that takes the cake... is that as we approach the sun, now having no power to get away, that light we're attracted to like a moth gets separated from us by a transparent wall... causing us to be able to look but not touch... to clearly be able to see but not to be able to have... that wall is the wall of friendship and its a horrible horrible thing... and like a moth, we thrash around and bash our heads into the wall continuously because we cannot help ourselves and we'd prefer to bloody or kill ourselves for the possibility of breaking through rather than be on this side of the wall.

Yeah, its like that.

Beamer Baby!

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Beamer Baby!

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Beamer Baby!

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

I deserve better

You know what, I'm tired... Tired of spending so much money, tired of loaning money to friends and never seeing it again, tired of being used, tired of persuing people who at times seem to have ulterior motives. I need to cut those people out of my life. I def need to not let myself be attracted to people like this, as pretty as they may be. I am worth something and that something is at least more then these types of people. If those are the only type I attract, then maybe, I need to be alone. It would cost me thousands of dollars less and I'd prob get more accomplished and more centered. Don't get me wrong... I'd give the world (or as much of it as I can afford) to someone who was amazing on their own, truely cared for me, and who I had a real deep connection with. As far as I'm concerned, everyone else may as well ignore me because IM NOT PAYING FOR THINGS ANYMORE! YOU'RE ALL ON YOUR OWN!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

"My New Phone"

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Out with Zack on his First Night Back

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Where do I fit in?

So just a quick post... I was out most of the weekend, after my mother's wedding, at the different bars/clubs and I don't know if it do/want to fit in there. I am doing this new thing with Chris Ryan and the internet, but idk what it gets me... Maybe I'm just afraid of failing... As usual.

And from the other side, the technology side, I feel like I'm not smart enough to compete with the visionaries and geniuses of the web 2.0 world. And I don't have some amazing point of view to share with the world via a blog, so that's out too.

I'm too dorky for one crowd and not dorky enough for the other... What does that make me? Just an average Joe I guess... And I don't think I can accept that.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

I'm going to lose my job... and so might you!

Over the last few weeks I've realized something. This might not be news to you, but it defiantly was to me... my job (and the jobs of many other IT professionals) is going to disappear in the next 10 to 15 years and maybe sooner. Sure, they'll be some Systems Administrators and definitely some network engineers, but no where near as many as there are now. Here's my thinking...

The IT industry is currently about applications both on the PC and the server side. These applications and the machines they run on have to be set up and maintained, whether its a SQL server, a DNS server, a file server, a collaboration server, etc. Its the job of people like me to plan for, deploy, and maintain the computers that provide and can access these services. Typically, each company has their own private set of these servers and so there are a copious number of jobs in the industry, but there won't be for long.

The with the help of Web 2.0, the technology industry is moving away from applications hosted in house to applications provided as a service. We see this in the slow transition from applications like Microsoft Office to Google Apps or Zoho Office, from Microsoft SharePoint to Basecamp, from Oracle CRM Applications to SalesForce. As more Web 2.0 companies are created, more applications will become services and so require fewer in house resources, but its going to take a little while.

Right now, there are some limitations to prevent this from happening quickly. First, there's the problem of bandwidth, but this is steadily being solved with the deployment of low cost, high-speed connections. Next, there's the problem of web services not being able to function when off-line, but this was somewhat fixed with the creation of Google Gears and other utilities like it. Third, there's the heavy lifting that is required of some applications such as those required in photo, sound, and movie editing. The beginnings of a fix for this can be seen in platforms like Adobe Air and Microsoft Silverlight, which still make heavy use of web services but shift the CPU intensive functions to the clients PC.

There are also new initiatives like Microsoft Mesh, that will help facilitate the transition by making existing applications and storage available on any platform/device from anywhere but this is just a transitive step towards the inevitable.

Further proof...As I'm sure many of you are aware, more and more companies are turning to "Managed IT Services" for everything from Spam protection (think Postini) to Hosted Exchange. Companies typically love these because they are able to have enterprise class features without the enterprise price tag. Don't let that misnomer fool you. These "services" are the just the beginning of what's coming and the fact that small, mid-sized, and even large companies are eating them up is just further example of the inevitable.

In the end there will just be the browser or what we would consider a super browser, robust enough to do the heavy lifting of the most intensive applications. Companies will shed their servers in favor of the more cost effective service model for all their computing needs... a CRM service for CRM, an accounting service for accounting, a collaboration service for working together, an online office service for productivity... the list goes on. These disparate services (initially until they are bought up by big companies) will be linked together through a company portal (which will also be a service) that has links to the various services needed by the employees. File storage, when not handled by the specific service being used, will be its own separate service that the others link into. No more VPN connections to the office; a browser from anywhere in the world is all that's necessary. Troubleshooting problems will become something repetitive like, "Can you get to the internet?... Yeah... Okay, then you should be good.", requiring little to no expertise to fix.

There will still be IT jobs. The main jobs will be working as a desktop support technician who's main responsibility is to make sure the company computers can get to the internet (and this may not even be necessary), working at a web service company maintaining the companies infrastructure (the only thing that would resemble the high-end IT job of today) or maintaining the network between the two. That's it. No need for the many Senior Systems Administrator positions that exist today.

BUT THERE IS HOPE! You (and I) are currently in the industry going through the very beginnings of this change and so we have both the insight into the current applications that will become services and the technical know-how to run these new service companies. We must use this knowledge to build the service companies that will be the corporate IT infrastructures of the future. If we don't... someone else surely will.

Just cause my mother did it...

Here are the results of my PersonalDNA test:


Check out my full report here:My personalDNA Report


Not sure if I really agree with them at all and I actually took the time to answer all 11 pages of the the questions as honestly as possible.

Resultset extended

Forgot to say one additional reason it'd be good to switch is because I would almost certainly spend less money and drink less as there would be less of a need for me to impress people in the manner and I would need to have coherent conversations... So its doubly a good thing!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Refining my result set...

So, the indoor classic is now over. I played for the Rambler Green Team after much controversy and though I had fun, I'm again wishing I hadn't spent so much money. I'll post some pics later from the tiring day event and the crazy/quiet nights.

Now on to the topic of the post... On Sat night at the very end, I went to a bar with some socer friends that I don't normally frequent on a sat night... Vlada. Normally, I'm out blowing way too much money at Rush with the very young ones but I was out with more respectable friends so we ended up going somewhere different. Now, normally, I wouldn't really be so up for Vlada because I feel that the guys more around my age are more pretentious and stuck up and I don't like dealing with them so I don't. Additionally, I tell myself that I'm not really looking for a relationship now so its best to stick with the ones that I'm I know a relationship isn't going to work out with. Well who should I see as I walked into the bar but Seth Baer-Harsha, the southern boy from New Orleans that I met at Rush, back when it was called Heaven, many years ago. He doesn't remember me, but I remember him. He is barely 21, if even that, but seems to carry himself as a bit older. As far as I knew (from Facebook), he'd been out of the country for a while and I didn't know he'd come back (because he must have been hanging out in different places than me). Eitherway, he doesn't recognize me and I don't really say anything to him, but it is enough just to see him to bring back my feeling of wanting to find someone really good for me; someone who was mature and really matched me well. Whereas I thought I wouldn't have the time to spend meeting and dealing with getting to know someone new, I think it might be worth something to see what's out there and not close off any options just cause I don't have time. Additionally, I'm going to switch up where I go out, visiting places with older guys (guys around my age) more. This should give me a better chance of finding someone who is actually good for me.
My mind keeps coming back to how I saw Seth... Me arriving and him on his way out, giving me no opportunity to talk to him. Maybe I wasn't supposed to yet or maybe I'm not supposed to ever. Eitherway, it def meant something and I will figure it out.

Back to work!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

A little down...

So I'm a little down. I got in communication with a guy named Owen Thomas who writes for Valleywag.com and he suggested that VCs were over the whole social network thing. That has me down in the dumps a bit even though most of what we're doing is not 100% dependent on the concept of a full blown social network... Instead it kinda combines the ideas of digg, eyebees, a comment startup's name that I can't remember, while also providing benefits of a social network suck as increased usage and stickiness. I'm sitting here at a MIndShift client's office on Madison (I switched depts btw to the field tech dept... I'm SO excited) and just saw this chinese cookie fortune taped to cubicle divider: "Self-trust is the first secret to success." I think that was meant for me to see... A way to help me be reassured with what I'm doing.

So I think I'm going to figure out a way to make the company work without VC/angel investment... Just in case. I still think we'll get it but I think I make enough money to cover most monthly costs initially. After the initial app is done, its just a matter of selling to clients and then we're on our way to profitability.

I'm gonna make this company work!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Man in the arena

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

- Theodore Roosevelt from a 1910 speech

Amazing Mother Nature (From Digg)

This photo is totally real, only with one color boost to make the colors more like it was.

read more | digg story

Logo and domain name

Ok... so here's what I have for logo so far. And I bought the domain name imheretech.com. The guy who's squatting both imhere.com and imhere.net wants $5K (which I think is just silly) but I'll loop around and buy them later.

I fucking hate this job!

I really really hate this crap. I'm sitting in a meeting and have been completely ignored. Everyone else has been asked for the status of things and I've just been skipped over. On top of that, I dislike one of my coworkers (TA). She's just stuck up and refuses to help many times. More annoying is that she'll just stare at you like you're a fool when you ask a question. She takes forever to do things and get back to others about things... and she's sitting right next to me right now. Further, this company is going downhill fast. Company after company is leaving. There's downtime left and right... I would care more about this, but they don't take advantage of my strengths and when I ask to help, I'm held back... So forget this place. Right now its easy money, but I'm going full steam on my projects... I don't wanna stay here any longer than I have to. I need to start saving money...

Ok, so they asked for my status, but I still under-utilized. The parent company, MindShift, seems like a great place to work. The compliance department, however, is a piece of trash. Mike (my old manager) was right to get out when he did. If I'm still around in a year, I sure as hell will get out too. Hopefully I won't be though.

I'm scheduled to talk to Matt Lapovsky, an old HS friend, tomorrow evening about startup ideas and imHere in particular. I'll do it with or without him, but I'd be nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of. I am, however, concerned that he's fell out of the "web" world and I'll have to get him back in first. S'ok though... There's plenty to do: coding (front end and back), feature creation, interface design, business plan, company website, etc. Last night I was up part of the night working on things. I'll post the possible logo and maybe a general interface design. In the meantime, I think I'm going to buy the domain, imheretech.com and move everything over there. Currently, a very alpha build of part of the project can be found at http://ds410.servdns.com/imhere/defaultv2.aspx. This will be changing shortly.

That's all for now...oh wait, maybe not. 2 other things:

1. I've been put on the all star Ramblers team for the indoor classic so that should be good.

2. I have 30 or so days to figure out whether I want to renew my lease at $3200 (up from $3055) and if I don't, figure out where I want to go.

Now that's all.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

More Photos of the Actual Trip

Just got these from Josh. If I could only go back in time one week... just one... I'd be a happy camper! Pay attention to how much I'm smiling!

In the dumps again...

Once again, I'm feeling sad. I still have not heard back from jake about whether I'm involved in the party... And Chris said that he's not getting involved to find out. And... I miss that kid. And I am stuck with the stupid student loans. THAT'S IT! I'm going to make IMHere work! I'm going to pay those stupid things off and then be able to do what I want to. That's it!
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Shell

I feel like a shell... Like there's nothing inside and I just don't care. The memories of last week are slowly slipping away and all I can do is watch them go. I walked to the subway today and I just didn't care what time I got there. I'm on the subway now and it seems to be slowly making its way. I'm already really late and it just doesn't matter.

I spoke to joe about my issues last night: bad idea. I'm even more alone.

I also spoke with Brandon Propst who confirmed many of the ideas I had about zack's "using" situation. He also put things into perspective and suggested that to Zack, it was a good time with a friend. Nothing more and nothing less.

I haven't shaved in days... Or washed the blue out of my hair... Or taken off the score braclet... Not since the last time I saw him. I really haven't eaten anything in days... Maybe one full meal since last friday if you put it all together. I don't know when I'll do any of it. My stomach growls but I don't care.

Right now, I don't feel upset about him or my situation... Just empty. Like a Zombie... I don't have the will to move on or remember things so I'm just here.

Up til 4:30 AM last night, working and crying. So dumb. I figured out I could live in Miami on $50k and comfortably on $75k. I can also go back if I want for a weekend. Either on the empty line of credit with Capital One, or on the money I may not have to spend on the Fusion party in NY. I'm not sure they still want me working with them... I'm still waiting to hear back.

Seems stupid to move there for Zack. Its hard to see that that is the reason that I want to go but when I consider if I would want to stay there if he were gone (had moved somewhere else), I realize quite clearly that I would not want to be there anymore... And I'd be pissed with myself for going in the first place. That leaves traveling there... But that could only be for a weekend and there stands a chance that I wouldn't even see him... Which seems to make the trip not worth it for some reason... I guess the reason is that all I want is him... Something that he's not ready for.

I don't want to think. Just be.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Realization...

This is going to sound cocky but its not meant to be... You know what I realized?!? I've got it all! I'm attractive, intelligent, entrepreneurial, I make amazing money for my age (or any age for that matter), I have my own beautiful apartment in Manhattan, family, I have friends of various levels that I can rely on (Tom, Ken, Hayden, Brandon, Jake, Jonathan, Marc, too many more to list), I have businesses that truely rely on me, I throw parties, I'm compassionate, I'm caring, lucky and I will offer someone amazing all the amazing things I have to give somewhere down the road. It could be someone I've already met or someone right around the next turn but I know he's there, moving through life day by day just like me and at some point, our life paths will cross and come together as one. I'm thankful for knowing that, the time that I have before that to become the absolute best me I can be and accomplish all my dreams, and the time after that when I'll have someone truely special to share my accomplishments with and to love and to be completely appreciated by.

I recognize my sadness in being back in NYC and my worry about losing who I was in Miami and realize that I've become hooked on Zack... but its not really Zack that I want at least not the current form of him... Its the concept of him... some attractive, intelligent, caring guy... and Zack doesn't meet the specs yet. Yes, my emotions have become entangled with my lust for him, being enamored with the happiness experienced in Miami, and feeling blessed by life but in actuality they are all separate things that I have mentally rolled together into the Zack of my thoughts. I've done the same thing with guys of the past, Joe Chiera, Victor, Brandon Propst, Brandon Hucks... the list goes on. I don't want someone who needs to be "kept"... there can be a disparity in money but I want someone who will appreciate everything I do for them and do the same back for me to the best of their resources. Right now, Zack is at a "kept" stage in life... living off other people for close to free as I've found many people do. I can't live like that... not on either end of it... the keeper or the keepee.

I'm glad I didn't give it all up. Life has truely set me up to be successful... I truely already am (but that doesn't mean I should stop working at it ;-) ). I used to believe that the best period of my life was during high school at Master's. Though I can look back now and still truely appreciate that time, these past couple months have trumped that. Its a matter of personal growth... every day, I feel like more of life's hidden truths are being exposed to me and with the new knowledge, I feel myself grow.

I am truely happy.

Another Pic of Zack and I...

Another pic of us together at Edwardo's apt... I look horrible here... very sunburned and fat cause of the loose,red jacket ... oh well!

Is it all worth it?

(Just some pics that I found... not of my trip there but of some of the things that took place at some point while there)

I have seriously considered staying in Miami.... I'm attached and have fallen for him and this place... I know that if I stay, it will really be for him but I won't be able to keep him around... my money will be gone and we won't be able to party like we have... I think the movie A.I. said it best in the scene where the boy gets one more day with his dead mother and they're explaining why it can only be one more day... and here's how I'm going to leave it:

...the very fabric of space-time itself appeared to store information about every event which had ever occured in the past... the equations have shown that once an individual space-time pathway had been used, it could not be reused. If we bring your mother back now, it will only be for one day, and then you'll never be able to see her again.

Life has provided me with MANY seeminly random events that have magically come together to provide me with the great time I had with Zack, but that time has now come and gone and as hard as I may try, it will never be like that again... even if I stayed here and gave up everything in New York and in my life as I know it (my money, my credit, my possessions), it would never be the same. I must trust in life and go where it leads... IT HAS NOT LED ME WRONG YET! I must remember that.

Also, I've started compiling the data-wide history of the last couple days (txts, twitter, imHere chat)... stay tuned for that... which may not come depending on how much work I want to put into it.

- Also another note... piyoho

Oh yeah... And brown addidas

Oh yeah... And brown addidas string on zaks arm.

Dream has ended...

So its over. I'm still in South Beach, Miami but its over. I have to pack and get ready to go. But before I do, I wanted to get this out and describe the dream before its completly gone. I don't wanna type out a long and descriptive story so I'm just gonna list out the points that I don't want to forget. I'm gonna keep it PG though but references to help me remember things will be made so if you don't understand what something means, its not for you, its for me.

- Took 4.5 days for me to let go of New York. Thurs was my first.
- Flute guy... nasty apt...CJs..."Buy me an Macbook Pro"
- Bought new bathing suits that I can't wear again
- bought new clothing
- went out with people I had met here, Jonathan, Cesar, Josh, Mike... I think there might have been a Chris too.
- Spent a wad of money that night (literally a wad... I think I had a money clip full of $400 when I started and $20 when it ended)
- Prior to thurs, had funny nights with April and Jon but it was brief and I hadn't let go... DIVIL!!!!
- Then Friday came and I almost didn't go out. I slept late, and almost didn't get out of bed at 10pm when it was time to go out. Would have been a MAJOR MISTAKE IF I HADN'T... because that night I MET ZACK FROM NEW YORK. YES its true... I did (See pic above). He was just sitting outside of Score with his friend and he recognized me.
- I have been without Zack for now more than 5 hours up to this point... we PARTIED the rest of that night away. He got amazingly drunk, etc as did I.
- Went back to his friends place where he was staying (Eduardo)
- Most beautiful Apt I've ever seen.... South Point
- Zack is ROUGH.... ROUGH.... ROUGH... HAIR
- I'm in heaven
- Massage... Loose...A&F...MANLY... gum on pants... crying... yes crying... but needed a reason to get out
- BAAAADDDD hangover for everyone the next day (yesterday)... food at big pinks... talk a lot to zack though...de-tassled corn in blue jean overalls in Indiana as his first job... BF not treating him correctly but has a pretty face so Zack won't get rid of him... zack is considering moving to Colorado with him (stupid move... but I don't say it to him soo harshly... maybe I did... oh well)... Hair grows thick and has to be cut every two weeks...past BFs were "Crazy"... Zack is physically violent with past BFs...
- Visit him at work (Pinocchios)...$50 tip... Upset because I've become attached... replaced clothing... addidas shirts (I Addidas Rome, I Addidas Girls... in Pink!)... Puma shoes...USER! but that's to be expected... I've already made the decision to let it be that way to extend the time... sad but necessary.
- Wait what seems like forever as he goes home to change and falls asleep. He comes over finally... FUNNY... back to Score!... We drink continuously... I LOSE AN HOUR!!! UNBELIEVEABLE!... THE SPEAKER IS AMAZING AND I DON'T KNOW WHY! I spend about 2 hours just sitting on it and watching zack dance for a couple seconds and then he goes off to meet others... I'm somehow in the music with the beat... not listening to it... IN IT... I AM THE MUSIC...Club closes at 5. Zack is trashed! Talks to everyone... learn more about him... LOVES HIS OWN ASS... would not need a man if he could only have IT... We have pizza and zack rambles to other people... kid is hungry... bf thinks he's too gay...poor boy... we take a taxi back to his place and pass out on the air mattress.
- Today we wake up... try to exchange his shirt but decides not to... CVS... back to jon's apt for a picture (the one above)...gatorade on the floor of the elevator... say goodbye... watch him disappear down the street... heart sinks...really sinks... Go up to the roof with IPOD and listen to flute...laughing and crying at the same time... the wind through my fingers... realizing the dream is slipping away and I can't hold on to it... it slips and slips and eventually...its gone... I'm back to old Dan... I can't be Divil full time... its not possible and I wouldn't accomplish my dreams... but sometimes... on vacation... its necessary to let go... be free... experience life... because no amount of "planned vacation activites" can top what I've done/how I've felt in the past 3 days... any attempt to stay here would break things...I'd have to give me up...and I can't do that...I'm just stuck... but I'll visit this happy place again... not miami necessarily... but this experience...
- Life has looped around for me... as it always does and its amazing... and I appreciate it.

I know I'm gonna want to add more after I stop writing this... but I could go on forever trying to note down everything.... as you can see though, Zak played a huge role in my happiness here...which is a good thing... but I was also happy other times...maybe I'll compile my IMhere entries, twitter updates, and txts to people to get a data-wide view of the trip but that will take some time... until then...Goodbye Zach... goodbye south beach... Goodbye Zach(again).... and goodbye Divil.

Coffee with Jonah Disend

So I had my get together with Jonah Disend of RedScout. He's quite the guy; inspiring, confident, and intelligent. We had coffee down by his new apartment, which he is renovating. Several things struck me as awesome about his situation. First off, he does what he likes every day. Not only that but he gets paid to do it. Seems like the best of both worlds. Secondly, he walks through stores and goes out to bars and is surrounded by products that he and his company designed. Some of his clients include Absolut, Johnson & Johnson, and Nike. It must be an amazing feeling to see so many things that you had a hand in, out in stores and to know that you started a company responsible for all these things. The main idea I got from Jonah was "keep your eye on the prize", and it will pay off in the future. I realized today that I don't really want the lifestyle Jon is going for where he works little and does a lot with his money. I want to build something, to start something I can be proud of and that I can look back on and say "I did that". I just don't know where to focus. I got backexams, the gym vitamin idea, and of course DS410. On top of that, I've started the party producing thing as well. I know I don't wanna do DS410 type work forever but in the meantime it helps me keep a nice lifestyle. I have also had thoughts of moving backwards to move forwards (moving home to save money) but I feel like I'd miss so many opportunites if I did that so perhaps my best chance is just to move into a cheaper apt or to Queens or Brooklyn. I need to figure out what I'm going to do... I feel energized but don't know where to direct it... though I do know it wouldn't be towards my job. I hate it. Its boring and not what I thought it would be. All it does is pay the bills. Anyway, I have some stuff to do before sleep so I guess I'll start that.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Amazing...

I don't even know the words to describe the feeling tonight. I don't remember ever being as happy as I was on the dance floor, conducting the electric violins to the house music while the room LITERALLY lit up around me, I was surrounded by friends, and just when the music built itself to the highest tension point to be broken by the massive thump of the bass, snow would come raining down on myself and the crowd around me, the strobes would fire, and I would be thrown into a state where there was only the here and now, and I was happy. Even if I should never do another party again, tonight will have been enough to last me my entire lifetime for it was tonight that I achieved another life goal. And as I I danced next to the party's other coproducer (Jake Levy) with a smile on my face, my hand waiving wildly in the air, it was as if I knew everything was right in my life. No alcohol was required for this high and it is one I will NEVER forget for as long as I live.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

No Day But Today...

Without You,
The Hand Gropes,
The Ear Hears,
The Pulse Beats,
Life Goes On,
But I'm Gone,
Cause I Die Without You...

No Day But Today.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Major Breakthrough!

Ok... so I've just had a major personal breakthrough... I invited Jonah Disend (Founder and CEO of REDSCOUT) to lunch this Saturday. You can check out an article about him and his recent sale of part of his company Here. I've wanted to do this for a long time, ever since I found out he was on my soccer team but being the shy person that I am, I could never bring myself to do it. Today I did.... out of nowhere! Even if he says no, its still a success for me and helps me become more social, which is a major goal of mine as I see it benefiting both my business and personal life. See the email I sent to him below:

Jonah,
I know it might seem a bit forward of me, but I was wondering if you
were interested in having lunch with me this Saturday at the place of
your choice. You see, I'm an aspiring entrepreneur and have always
felt that one of the best ways to learn is from people that have done
what I'd like to do. I am constantly reading books by CEOs about how
they started their companies and feel that it would just be an
opportunity lost if I didn't at least ask to get together with you.
I'm thinking it could be a very casual get together, not like an
interview or anything but more of a general conversation about how you
did what you did and with maybe some questions from me. I'm sure
people probably ask you for things like this all the time but I'd
appreciate if you could spare the time for me. If so, let me know what
time and where you'd like to meet. Wherever is convienent for you is
good for me. The only constraint is that I have a personal training
session at 3 PM so I need to be back at my building (hell's kitchen)
by 2:45 at the latest. If this weekend doesn't work for you, lemme
know when your free. I'd be more than happy to find another mutually
convienent time. Eitherway, I hope to see ya at soccer this weekend.

Thanks for your time,

Dan Delphin (from the Ramblers)

For Good...

I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
[For Good lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

Horrible Sleeping Patterns

All of a sudden, I can't sleep well. I wake up ever hour or so, get up for one reason or another, and then go back to sleep. I must have woken up at least 3 times last night. Its horrible. What is interesting is the fact that this past weekend, I slept better then I have in a long time.

In other news, Jon has finished the toolbar (though I haven't seen it yet) and I made my first ad network call to AdOn. I should have spent some time building the call list after hours but I didn't. Maybe tonight. Today at work, I want to accomplish the following:
- Exchange Lab prep
- Blackberry parameters
- Certificate plan learn/fix
- Centera collection problem resolve

I think these are good goals and attainable too. And after work, I have my PT session with Cliff. I'm looking bettr but I need to go to the gym more to keep it up. Anyway, onward and upward.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Focus

Ok... I need to focus. I'm spreading myself really thin and not getting anywhere with anything so here are my priorities for the time being...

Work:
Full time work: MindShift
Current Goal: Get new blackberry and exchange setup done correctly

Part time work: My clients (DS410)
Goal: expand some services (remote BU and monitoring) for increased money

Personal Company Pursuit: MPowerAd (letting go of facebook app for now)
Goal: Sign at least 2 ad networks

Health:
Eat right
Regular gym visits
Goal: be able to see some abs and have nice chest and arms by first week of March

Relationship:
Open to possibilities but not spending all my effort in pursuit of anyone
Goal: None

Financial:
Paying back credit cards
Goal: Pay back 1 AMEX credit card

Personal Pursuits:
Magic
Goal: Build a balanced deck of cards for one on one and group play

Soccer
Goal: Work on my shooting accuracy

I can't do everything but I can do some things and by focusing, setting specific goals, achieving them, and setting new ones again I'll be able to see myself moving forward.

Also, some interesting stuff... I learned how to index and search web pages like google. I figure it will be important to know some of that stuff in the future for MPowerAd. Also, I apparently came up with the same algorithm (PageRank) that Google did for searches, while I was coming up with the algorithm for FB Most Popular. I didn't even know that until I learned more about how they built theirs (I came up with it on my own) Just an interesting note.
Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE

Turning a corner...

I think I may be starting to turn a corner after being upset and dreaming about losing Joe for the last couple days. I had a talk with Rajni (a coworker) and that made me feel much better. I'm going to take control, move on, and be assertive about Joe moving on as well. I won't kick him out but I won't make it easy for him to stay.
After a total mess up with the elance provider, I've decided to code BubbleTalk myself so stay tuned for updates about that. I was once again reminded of how the only thing holding me back is me by the fact that another one of my ideas was snapped up and done by another company. Its all about follow through and I intend to work on doing that more in everything I do. It will obviously make things easier on my path to success.

Also on the burner is MPowerAd. I have to get the B plan done. I've been putting it off for too long. I'm gonna get it going this weekend.

Also I'm going to get more serious about my health and work out. I'm thinking of scaling up my sessions to 2 per week until my Miami trip in March. That combined with my normal routine (which I have to be better about) should make me not only in shape but feel great about myself as well!

Lastly, I'll be twittering a lot more now and I got my fb status to sync with my twitter account so u can check out what I'm doing at either place.

Daniel Delphin, CCNP, MCSE